Parents of Young Children No More

Part of my identity is as a parent of young children. This has been the longest-lived part of my identity as an adult. I have changed jobs, houses, cities, states, but have always been a parent of relatively young children throughout these transitions. Being a parent of younger children meant my worries were relatively universal: sleeping woes, picky eaters, creating consistent discipline. Last night, I realized while I will always be a parent - I am no longer a parent of young children.

My youngest child is 11 years old and a rising 6th grader. Our district still puts 6th grade in elementary school, although this will change in a few years. I feel like this last year in elementary school for our family has me gripping my "parent of young children" motif with the tips of my fingernails, while this life experience slips away.

My oldest child is 15 years old and a rising sophomore. In less than three years, she will graduate high school and go to college or whatever venture comes next. I crave the advice and camaraderie among parents of older children. How much do I guide her academically and socially while in high school? How do I encourage independence while still maintaining healthy boundaries and limits? When do I push and when do I hold back? What is the most important at this stage for raising a successful adult?

This stage of parenting feels lonelier, with less universal concerns and more specific worries for each teenager. Privacy concerns mean it is more difficult to discuss parenting woes for our older children, although we need to hear advice and receive support just as much as when our children were younger. The stakes are higher and bouncing back from mishaps is more difficult. Some days, parenting older children feels as if we are undertaking a solo hike on a narrow cliff, risky and lonely.

Logically, it does not matter how I identify or what ages my kids are. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, addressing whatever needs and concerns arise. But emotionally, I am mourning this shift. I love being a parent of older children. But sometimes, just for a few minutes, I would like to be a parent of young children again.