Pandemic Parenting

It is such a weird time to be a parent. I have been a full-time work-outside-the-home parent for almost my entire parenting journey. My kids both went to full-time childcare starting at an early age. I almost never worked from home - unless my one of my kids were sick or some emergency arose. I went into my office on campus each day. My kids went to school each day. During the summer, I continued to work outside the home while arranging care for my children. We were together on weekends and evenings, but never during the day.

All of that has changed.

Now, we are together 24/7. I work from home on a desk against the wall in the kitchen while my children work on their schoolwork on the kitchen table right behind me. My husband often works at the far end of that same table. Our lives are a crashing mixture of a cacophony of Zoom calls, video game FaceTime sessions, online learning and working and typing, and old-fashioned scratching out work with stubby pencils on sheets of paper. It is no exaggeration to say we are together all the time. All.the.time.

On the whole, I adore this new togetherness. Our family has similar interests and personalities. We enjoy playing card games in the evening, laughing at episodes of Parks and Rec, and venturing out of the house to walk the neighborhood streets and trails. Our children are best friends. We really are four peas in a pod and spending time together all day, every day is a joy.

And yet. And yet there are moments where I struggle. I have many "suggestions" for improvement in their school life I am ready to offer my children at every turn, and yet, by and large, these suggestions bring about increased frustration on everyone's end. People can be your favorite people in the whole world, and yet finding random plates in the living room is still annoying. Being together so much magnifies everything, good, bad, ugly, and in between.

I have been thinking about how our lives will change once this period of quarantine is over. I hope we keep up the card games. I hope we continue the family walks. I hope we can draw on how plugged in we are to each other's lives right now. And I also hope we can have a few moments apart. At work or at school or wherever. Where I am not tempted to offer suggestions for the kids. Where our lives do not constantly intersect. Where we can just be.

Daily COVID-19 Schedule

In light of all of the color-coded schedules the Internet has to offer in this time of crisis, I present to you the Hageman Daily Routine:

7:15am - Wake up with light piercing through the windows. Ponder getting up to lift weights. Or work on writing a book. Or reorganize the spice cabinet. Lie in bad instead, looking at phone, researching kitchen gadgets we will never use.

9:00am - Decide to finally awaken the children. Argue with one child that lying in bed typing on phone is not quite the homeschool environment envisioned. Argue with another child about the importance of changing out of pajamas.

10:00 a.m. - High point. All children engaged in school work and all parents engaged in work work. Birds chirp in amazement. Clouds part and angels sing.

11:00 a.m. - Sweet spot has ended. Children still engaged in school work and one parent engaged in work work. Other parent deciding to adopt the Hobbit Second Breakfast approach.

12:00 p.m. - Lunchtime, or really Hobbit Third Breakfast, because what is mealtime? What is time? An artificial social construct in these days of quarantining.

12:30 p.m. - Wonder if it is too early for the second high point of day, the Daily Walk. Decide mental health is more important than hurt foot. Corral children out the door and proceed to argue about the pace of said walk and whether it is more important to elevate heart rate or enjoy life.

2:30 p.m. - Children long finished with school work. Parents tired during work work. Decide to check news. Then check phone. Then make cup of coffee. Then circle back to news. Rinse, repeat.

5:00 p.m. - Stop to tally up accomplishment of day. Realize "eat lunch" was one of the few items checked off of list. Resolve to wake up at 4am tomorrow to check off more items.

6:00 p.m. - Dinner, but is it really dinner, or Sixth Breakfast of the day?

7:30 p.m. - Play family card games. Sink into dismay after the winner gets to choose dessert, and the children, yet again, are winners and dessert-choosers.

9:00 p.m. - Fall asleep on the couch during family movie night. Wonder if should write a book about life in the time of COVID-19. Decide that would require leaving the couch.

11:00 p.m. - Wake up from couch. Wonder if should go directly to bed, or perhaps have a snack? Or Seventh Breakfast?

More Pandemic Details

I keep thinking how all the little details from life now will be fascinating in the future. More details from the midst of the pandemic:

- The CDC has now recommended wearing a mask to prevent asymptotic people from spreading illnesses. I went to Dillons yesterday and the majority of shoppers were wearing a mask at the time I went.

- Masks are impossible to find. Those who can sew (and find elastic) are the heroes of the hour. 

- Health care has adapted. Last week, I had a blood draw for a lab that was taken from my car. A child had a doctor’s appointment on the computer. Both were fantastic options.

- Education has also adapted. We had an IEP meeting on Zoom, which was awesome. The trickiest part was navigating electronic signatures in Adobe, which I now have down pat.

- Family activities have exploded. Puzzle makers can’t keep up with demand. Our family had learned all kinds of new card games. We went star-gazing last night and it was magical. 

- Certain items remain elusive at the store. We managed to track down toilet paper, but hand struggled to find bags of rice. 

- Ironically, I have used Clicklist for over a year to order and pick up my groceries. Now that we are in a pandemic, the lead times are often a week or longer, so I have started entering the store again. It feels like a hazard zone.

- People who can sew and grow their own food and make their own repairs and are generally self-sufficient are amazing. 

What little details have you noticed?

In the Midst of the Pandemic

I keep thinking that I should journal during this pandemic. Sometimes we can’t properly reflect on a situation until we have the benefit of hindsight. But we can capture the details of a situation with the most clarity in the heat of the moment. Here is what I notice now:

- We are wired for connection. Rainbow Bear on our porch is part of a nationwide trend for “bear hunts.”

- All Zoom, all the time. For work. For school. For virtual happy hour. For exercise. For life.

- Playgrounds are all closed and taped off. But the trails are more vibrant than ever.

- Toilet paper is close to impossible to find in stores.

- The uncertainty over not knowing how long the pandemic and its consequences will last is stressful.

- Immediate families are coming together like no time before. Everything is cancelled. Every night is movie night or game night.

- The boundaries between work, school, and home have ceased to exist.

- Unemployment has sky-rocketed. Businesses have closed. There is a nationwide shortage of tests and PPE. Health care workers and essential workers are heroes.

- Innovation is astounding. Teachers put classes online overnight. Telehealth explodes. Businesses constantly adapt.

- The strength of the human spirit is remarkable. We are living through the greatest public health crisis in our lifetime, but we are marching forward. Loving our families. Virtually connecting. Finding normalcy. Carrying on.