Fly Away

Less than a year ago, my best friend from Manhattan died. A little over a year ago, my other best friend from Manhattan moved to England. My BFF from England visited our family over this long weekend and it was a glorious visit for all four members of our family. Having someone who understands me on a deep level, who is cut from the same cloth, who loves me as much as I love her, is one of life's richest blessings. It is also difficult to say goodbye.

Manhattan is a transient town. Many people have connections with the university or the military, resulting in frequent moves. Dear friends come into your life and then exit the town. The people who leave have a far more difficult situation in having to reinvent their lives when they move. I understand this on a visceral level. I moved frequently as a child, attending eight elementary schools through fifth grade, and know moving is challenging and exhausting.

What I did not understand as a child is that it is also hard to be the one left behind. I did not appreciate that when someone moves - the people left behind also choke up inside. That saying goodbye or even "see you later" to a piece of your heart with a daily connection is rough. That life is still full of many wonderful friends and moments and connections, but it is still hard when a special connection leaves.

I am still having trouble processing the death of my friend who died - so bright, so young, so vibrant, so healthy, so full of life. That I am struggling with her absence feels logical. I am still connected closely to my friend who moved to England. We text all the time. We FaceTime weekly. We meet up in this town and on her new continent when we can. That I burst into tears when I said goodbye to her this morning sounds a bit overly dramatic, but it is the truth.

But I am left feeling gratitude. Gratitude that my heart aches from the death of my dear, dear friend. Gratitude that I miss the small daily moments with my dear, dear friend that come from living in the same town. Gratitude that my paths have crossed with such lovely people. Gratitude for the ability for love to continue long after we have flown away. Gratitude for the depth of this love. Gratitude for this life.

May you also be so richly blessed that your heart can also ache so deeply. There is no deeper joy.