The Price of Excellence

I am willing to bet that 100/100 parents would agree that their child's mental health is more important than their grades. But I wonder how many children would agree with this same statement.

My husband and I think of ourselves as fairly laid back parents. I am a huge mental health advocate and champion in my own personal life. But clearly, our own children have internalized a different message.

One of our children thinks earning less than an "A" on any single assignment is a cause for failure, and, despite earning 100% on practically every single assignment during a school year, was devastated by earning a 4/5 on a very small-stakes assignment, since this score translated to an 80%. One of our children is so convinced they are going to fail in a new area in school that they have had a breakdown, and are so focused on not "messing up" in school that they are extremely stressed about missing the last 20 minutes of an elective class for a medical appointment. Both of our children are extremely concerned with academic success at a level that seems far and above the degree that my husband and I care.

What can we do to convey the message that we really do value mental health more than grades? What is the line between pushing through a challenge and supporting a child? When does stress turn into a mental health issue? Where is the demarcation on pushing too hard versus not enough?

I do not have those answers. But I will continue to stress to my own children that their own mental health will always come first. And hope that someday this message becomes a part of their own mental script.