The Mountains We Scale

In college, I was an excellent student. I earned one "B" in my entire collegiate career. I was involved in a number of organizations. I worked my whole way through school. I was the Outstanding Graduating Senior for my college. I also had a very difficult time securing an internship.

Between my junior and senior year in college, I decided that I wanted to obtain an internship in accounting. I was 20 years old and I think a strange mix of debilitating insecurity and overwhelming hubris. Unfortunately, in this case, the hubris won out. I was a strong student, a leader on campus, a hard worker. What more could a company want?

I remember my first interview, not for a public accounting firm, but with Boeing, a large airplane manufacturer. Boeing was not my first choice for an internship and it showed. I did not perform any research on the company ahead of time. Boeing had sent sample questions to the Career Center in advance, but I neglected to look at those because I felt I had already heard plenty of good advice on how to interview. I was not offered the internship. The same pattern repeated itself with the other companies with which I interviewed. On paper, I was attractive and had no problem securing interviews. But in person, I was a weak interviewer and did not perform well.

I ultimately did secure an accounting internship, at Shilling Construction Company in Manhattan, where I was able to live in the same city as my husband over the summer as well as meet my wonderful boss who is now my dear friend and colleague. Everything worked out better than I could have imagined. But the disappointment of not landing those earlier internships continued to eat at me.

In a subsequent summer, in the middle of earning my master's degree, I decided to branch out from Shilling and pursue a public accounting internship. On paper, I was a dream candidate. But I still neglected to get offers from public accounting firms. Part of the reason, I was told, is that I was interested in tax, and most summer internships were only available for those in audit. But I still think I was not a strong candidate at interviewing. I was not skilled at small talk. I was nervous when interacting with groups of people I did not know. I was too reserved and uncomfortable when I needed to be at ease. I ultimately found an internship doing audit work for a small local CPA firm, and I ended up hating the work that summer and questioned whether I really wanted to be an accountant.

I have been reflecting on these failures and how they shaped my future. I have had much better experiences in looking for full-time employment, both as a CPA and later as an accounting professor. But these challenging experiences in interviewing for internships taught me so much. That nothing is ever taken for granted. That practicing for interviews is truly important. That I did not initially shine in interview situations and need to work harder to overcome these deficits. And that it truly is possible to improve and grow in an area of weakness.

Growth is scary and uncomfortable and painful. But I sometimes wonder if we try to remove all of the uncomfortable situations along the way, if we deprive ourselves the chance to truly blossom. And what a shame that would be.