Mean Kids

When I was in 8th grade, I was really mean to another girl named Sarah. Really mean. I was friends with a different girl who said I should tell Sarah that we were did not want to be friends with her any more. I am not even sure why this came about, or why Sarah was the target of such bullying. What I do know is that I was so desperate to be friends with the other girl, so hungry for her approval, so hanging on to her every word, that, one February lunch period when we were crammed into the B Gym at Coleman Middle School, I marched right over to Sarah and announced that we no longer wanted to hang out with her. I still distinctly remember saying the words that I had been coached, "We think we've hung around you too long" and the crestfallen look on her face as I uttered that pronouncement. 

Eighth grade was the worst year of my life. Telling Sarah, who had been nothing but friendly to me, and had invited me to her birthday party the previous summer, that I did not want to spend time with her is the most awful thing I have ever done. I have previously confessed this whole exchange to my husband, but I do not think I have ever told another soul. I feel absolutely terrible that I acted in such a horrible manner, but I can imagine that my guilt is nothing compared to the complete hurt that Sarah must have felt. 

I was thinking about my own part in this relational bullying recently. I was so hungry to gain social approval from one particular friend that I was willing to completely throw another person under the bus. And I imagine that the circumstances may be different but the underlying emotions are often the same - people are often so insecure about their own social status that they engage in horrible behavior with other people. 

My own children do not seem to have been either targets or perpetrators of relational bullying, but I often wonder if I would truly know if behavior like this was going on, or if they would be too embarrassed or too horrified to let me know. I think there is much more awareness, education, and prevention efforts made to address all forms of bullying than when I was growing up. But I also know that bullying and other such horrible behaviors still take place every.single.day.

My hope and prayer is that all children today have a much stronger moral compass than I did. That they realize that no "friendship" is worth acting cruelly to another person. That they recognize that even if they feel pressured into bullying another, that they are the person who is 110% responsible and at fault if they engage in such behavior. That they have the strength to tell others that, no, they will not ever act meanly toward another person. That they treat all people with kindness and respect. That they do not end up like me, reflecting 26 years later, wondering how and why I could have acted so awfully. That they can look at themselves with pride in the mirror. That they aren't ever the Mean Kid.