Bullying Prevention Month

This October is Bullying Prevention Month. Since my childhood, I have seen an enormous rise in awareness and discussion of bullying, in understanding the seriousness of this behavior and the enormous, horrible ramifications it can have. Both my husband and I experienced bullying directed at us in junior high, some physical (his) and some emotional (me). I would never want to repeat this time.

And yet, despite having been the target of unkind, hurtful, persistent behavior, I also engaged in unkind, hurtful behavior. When I was in 8th grade, I was mean to another girl named Sarah. Incredibly mean. I was friends with a different girl who said I should tell Sarah that we did not want to be friends with her anymore. I am not even sure why this came about, or why Sarah was the target of such bullying. What I know is I was so desperate to be friends with the other girl, so hungry for her approval, so hanging on to her every word, that, one February lunch period when we were crammed into the B Gym at Coleman Middle School, I marched right over to Sarah and announced that we no longer wanted to hang out with her. I still distinctly remember saying the words my other friend had coached me, "We think we've hung around you too long" and the crestfallen look on her face as I uttered that pronouncement. 

Eighth grade was the worst year of my life. Telling Sarah, who had been nothing but friendly to me, and had invited me to her birthday party the previous summer, that I did not want to spend time with her is the most awful thing I can remember doing. I feel horrified I acted in such a horrible manner, but my guilt is nothing compared to the complete hurt that Sarah must have felt. 

This whole bullying incident arose because I was so hungry to gain social approval from one particular friend that I was willing to throw another person under the bus. And I imagine the circumstances may be different but the underlying emotions are often the same - people are often so insecure about their own social status that they engage in horrible behavior with other people. 

My hope and prayer is that all children today have a much stronger moral compass than I did. That they realize that no "friendship" is worth acting cruelly to another person. That they recognize that even if they feel pressured into bullying another, that they are the person 110% responsible and at fault if they engage in such behavior. That they have the strength to tell others that, no, they will never act meanly toward another person. That they treat all people with kindness and respect. That they do not end up like me, reflecting decades later, wondering how and why I could have acted so awfully. That they can look at themselves with pride in the mirror. That they aren't ever the Mean Girl. 

Bullying prevention requires all of us. But sometimes, it starts with looking in the mirror.