A Weight Off

I have written extensively about being unsatisfied with my weight. I am battling a lingering foot injury, that, while it is definitely improving, is still not completely healed. I have not run since falling off a chair on June 28th. I was on crutches for a period and still have fairly limited mobility. All of this to say, my inability to exercise in my usual manner means my weight is now in an even more precarious position.

I previously worked with a nutritionist who focused on helping me become an intuitive eater and in detaching my value as a person from my weight. This was all enormously helpful from a psychological standpoint. However, from a physiological standpoint, I think not weighing myself for a long period combined with eating whatever I was craving have contributed to my weighing more now than I did when I was nine months pregnant with each child.

I was thinking last night I am actually not unsatisfied with my body right now. I wish I could run, but I know that will get there with time. I wish I could wear all my clothes instead of just the select articles of clothing that still fit, but I know that is not the end of the world. Where I am really worried is that at this rate of weight gain, I might at one point gain enough weight to be classified in an unhealthy BMI category.

My nutritionist tried to assure me that BMI is meaningless and many healthy people have a variety of BMI levels. However, this feels like the ultimate judgment I could ever face about my body. Being in a "normal" weight category means my fears about weight, although real and visceral, are largely of my undoing. Being in an "overweight" weight category would mean there is a real, tangible, physical, medical concern.

I am honestly not sure how to lose weight while being an intuitive eater since eating when I am hungry and what I am craving seems to be correlated with gaining more weight for me. So I think I will need to restart tracking, or some kind of diet, or some kind of "food rules," or something else. And that makes me sad. But I suppose that is about the only way to really get the weight off.