In portaging from one river to another, Wabanakis had to carry their canoes and all other possessions. Everyone knew the value of traveling light and understood that it required leaving some things behind. Nothing encumbered movement more than fear, which was often the most difficult burden to surrender.
-Women of the Dawn, by Bunny McBride
I recently finished reading Orphan Train: A Novel, by Christina Baker Kline, which is an excellent novel and one that everyone should rush out and read right now. One of the themes is the idea of "portaging," or journeying from sea to land, or from one life to another.
In my own life, no time has been more formative or painful or rewarding or joyful than the five years that our family lived in Orlando. In 2005, Will and I had a one-year-old baby, family nearby, a beautiful brick Colonial house, and good jobs as a laser engineer and a tax accountant, when we decided to chuck it all and move to Florida to each get our PhDs. The first night we spent in Florida by ourselves, in our moldy apartment, I cried to Will that we had made a terrible mistake and we needed to figure out a way to move back.
And I was so very wrong. Because five years later, when we moved back to Kansas, two PhDs in hand and with a beautiful now 6-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son, I had learned more about myself than I ever thought possible.
10. What it is Like to Know No One - There is nothing that makes you feel Alone in the World more than the dreaded Emergency Contact Form. Okay, maybe you are only Alone in the Area, but it feels like the world when you realize that you don't know a single local person for emergencies. My amazing friend Christine wrote an incredible blog entry today about what it is like to be a UMC pastor's family that you must read (click here), and she wrote about the same problem as an itinerant pastor's family. It is humbling and makes you want to reach out to help anyone you can who is new to town in the future.
9. What it is Like to be Intellectually Alive - I have never felt as intellectually alive or challenged or pushed as during my PhD program, particularly during coursework where I was exposed to new ideas and models and ways of thinking about the world constantly. The only thing that remotely comes close was being part of the International Baccalaureate (IB) program in high school, but as it turns out, getting a PhD is even more intellectually stimulating than any high school program.
8. What it is Like to Live with Uncertainty - Our time with Florida was marked with so much uncertainty. Would Will pass his qualifying exams (yes, with flying colors), or would he be kicked out of the program? Would I pass comps (yes, ditto)? How many years would it take for us to finish (4 for me, 5 for Will)? Would we finish at the same time (No, as it turns out)? What would happen if we did not finish together (amazing people in accounting would come up with funding for me for another year)? Where would we go when we were finished with school (our alma mater - who would have thought!)?. I felt so much uncertainty while we lived in Florida that I had to learn to just trust God that it would all work out. And that leads me to....
7. What is Like to Have a Church Family - In Kansas City, Will and I had attended the largest UMC church in the country, which had fabulous programming and a pastor with the best sermons we had ever heard. But it felt more that we "attended church" rather than that we were part of a "church family." This all changed in Florida We met some of the best lifelong friends we have ever had, were welcomed with open arms to the choir and bell choir family, met more incredible people while leading a parenting Bible study, and discovered that we had a whole community of people who loved us and had our backs. What an incredible feeling.
6. What is Like to Live in a New "Culture" - Outside of several moves to Seattle as a child, Will and I had spent our lives in the Kansas/Missouri area. Living in the South was eye-opening and has given me so much more empathy for regional differences. It has also helped me articulate better what I do and do not like about certain regions. I came to truly love and appreciate Florida - its eternal optimism, the sunny disposition of both the weather and its people, the use of "Coke" for any soft drink, the rapid shifts in both the economy and the government, the melting pot of diverse cultures and races and regional backgrounds. I am thankful that our daughter had many of her formative years in this environment.
5. What is Like to be Stripped Bare - Living in Florida taught me that so much of our lives are dictated by the people around us. It is when we have no family and no friends and no built-in support network around us that we learn who we truly are. Our incredible family visited frequently - from Nonnie, who made over 20 trips during our five years in Florida, to my mom, who came several times a year, to Julie and Charlie, who regularly visited every year - but we learned what it was like to truly be a family unit with just ourselves and how we could make things work on a daily basis. Being stripped bare is scary but also incredibly freeing.
4. What it is Like to be Poor - Oh my goodness, learning what it is like to be poor was one of the most humbling and embarrassing and memorable parts of our time here. As an example, when our daughter's private insurance did not cover her 4-5 year old vaccines, we decided to go the local health department to get her immunizations. While there, we were recruited to be part of a study targeting "lower-income families" who could learn the art of "better marriage communication" (with the assumption that those who were poor did not know such things). I still want to cry from embarrassment at the feelings that I absorbed that those who are poor are lazy, or dumb, or a failure. I am also thankful for this experience because it was incredibly eye-opening at the challenges and attitudes that so many people face every day.
3. What it is Like to Lack Prestige - Oh gosh, another humbling experience. I did not realize that Will and I had professional jobs that we were also afforded a level of respect that is not typically accorded to those who are "students." My experience was different since I was viewed and treated as a peer in the accounting department, but Will had professors who had been wining and dining him, hoping to win funding from his company, who would not even look at him in the halls a few months later when he was a student. But again, I am so thankful for this experience because it has helped shape the type of person I hope to be.
2. What it is Like to for Friendships to Run Deep - Some of the best and closest and deepest friendships of our lives were formed in Florida. From my advisor and best friend, Donna, who paid to have my hair fixed after a disastrous home-dye job, to my foxhole-for-life buddy Anna who shared and supported me through so many of my parenting struggles, to our best friends Thomas and Dana whom we witnessed an amazing wedding ceremony on the beach, to our best family friends Cindy and Brian and their children Taylor and Savannah who matched up so perfectly with our own family, to so many others too extensive to name, we were blessed to have formed life-long friendships that prove that blood is not always thicker than water.
1. What it is Like to Live with Purpose - I truly believed while we were in Florida that we were following God's plan by being there. I had wondered before when we were living and working in Kansas City if this is all there was to life. And God had an answer - a resounding No! - that for us, there was a whole new journey awaiting our family. And I still believe this, and know that feeling that you are living with purpose and meaning, whatever form that takes, is truly one of the best feelings in the world.
What has been the most formative experience in your life?
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