Video Games and So Much More

I am embarrassed my children enjoy playing video games.

I did not grow up playing video games, and when I see my kids playing one, I feel irritated. I feel more annoyed with video games in particular than with general screen time. I am unsure why video games bother me on such a deep level. Intellectually, I realize the games my children enjoy playing are logic games, problem-solving games, creativity-enabling games. If they were performing the same activities with pencil and paper, I would likely not bat an eye. But video games, projected on our giant television screen, grate on me.

As with most areas that bother me,  I tried to keep my annoyance a secret. And as with most other areas, I failed miserably. All of this came to a head on Easter Sunday, when one of our kids expressed sadness I did not congratulate them on passing a level in a game. Instead of digging deeper and trying to figure out why this was important and/or what this sadness symbolized, I responded along the lines of, "Most mothers don't care about video games. It's perfectly normal that I don't care about this game or this level. You should just be happy that I let you play video games at all!"

All of this turned into a huge emotional upheaval. I was genuinely baffled why they were so upset about something I thought mattered so little. Our family came up with a new solution - the kids would have a reduced amount of video-game playing time. And, in return, I would do a better job of not acting mad or upset or not-so-secretly annoyed when I saw them playing a video game. So far, this new system has been working well. One child exclaimed, "I really like our new arrangement. I don't feel stressed that you will be mad at me about video games!"

As with so many parenting-related interactions, this conflict had so much more to do with video games than I thought. I realized that by acting like something our children are interested in has no value, it makes them feel THEY have little value. When I don't care about something they are excited to show me, it makes them feel I do not care about THEM and their interests. I do not have to share the same interests myself, but I can still support them in something they enjoy.

When I was trying to keep my annoyance with video games a secret, all I was doing was making them feel belittled. Partly this is because my kids can read me like an open book. But partly it is because all children are adept at recognizing sincerity, interest, authenticity, value, attention - and so much more. And we owe it to our children to support what they value.