Fine

This morning has been rough. There is no obvious reason I should feel like this, but I have tried to figure out why. Partly it is because we are almost to the day to the one-year anniversary of Will's dad's death. Partly it is because I am still missing my friend Christine in a raw and visceral way and am still having trouble processing and making sense of her untimely death. Partly it is because I have little scheduled, and lacking a defined layout for the day always makes me feel adrift, unhinged, rootless.

But sometimes, days are just rough for no discernible reason. Just as we can feel joy and peace and contentment without always being aware of the reasons, so we can feel sad on some days without having an identifiable trigger.

And this makes me think how much is lurking below the surface in our interactions with others. We are "fine," "good," even "great," but if we probe a little deeper, we may often be anxious, confused, broken, fragile. The teller at the bank may have just lost her beloved grandmother. The grocery store bagger may have broken up with his cherished girlfriend. The telemarketer who calls on our personal cell phone, interrupting our dinner, may just be holding back from the abyss of depression by a bare thread.

We are all muddling through life, doing the best we can, rejoicing in the good seasons and trying to push through the bumpy ones. I hope you truly are fine today. But if you are not, I hope you find the strength to keep going.