A Celebration of Annika Grace

Today, our Annika Grace is 15 years old. 15! This feels like the march to adulthood is ever-accelerating - 15 means a restricted driver's license, part-time job eligibility, and creeping closer to college and independence. 15 feels like a Brave New World. 

When Annika was born, I was 24 years old, and I thought I had my whole life figured out. Will and I had been married almost 6 years. We had purchased our dream house in the Kansas City area, in which we thought we would live for the rest of our lives. Will had a perfect job as a laser engineer, and I had a perfect job at a CPA firm with a part-time schedule that would be perfect for accommodating our new baby. I cannot believe how much our lives have changed in the past 15 years. But even more, I cannot believe how much I have learned from becoming not only a mom, but Annika's mom. Here are 10 Lessons Learned from Annika Grace: 

10. How to Change Diapers.

I have a confession. Before having Annika, I had changed a grand total of zero diapers in my life. None. I also had never given an infant a bath before, fed an infant, or really ever taken care of an infant. As it turns out, changing diapers (and giving a bath) are both skills you can learn very quickly. And perhaps even more surprisingly, I learned that... 

9. I Love Babies! 

Before having Annika, I figured the baby stage would be one to endure, but I would really start to blossom as a parent around age 3. Oh, no. I love babies. LOVE BABIES. The baby stage is truly one of my favorites. I love breastfeeding, Boppy pillows, Baby Bjorns, snuggling, you name it. Who knew? 

8. How to be a Working Mom. 

When I was pregnant with Annika, I envisioned I would work part-time in order to "perfectly" balance work and life. I did this for a short time, and then was a stay-at-home mom and a work-from-home mom during Annika's first year. But when she was 15 months old, Will and I chucked everything to move to Florida to go back to school full-time to work on our PhDs, and I quickly became a full-time working mom. While this was a rocky transition at times, I learned that children are resilient, that dads are 110% capable - and my daughter is now incredibly self-assured that it is possible to do both roles if you want. 

7. In the End, It is Just Food. 

Oh, food. Did we ever have problems with food. Annika did not eat any solid foods at all until she was 9 months old, and this was followed by years of sensory issues, pickiness, food issues, etc., which baffled books and food therapists alike. But today, Annika is a super healthy 15-year-old who is the least likely of anyone in our family to ever be sick. Annika has taught me that In the End, It is Just Food. And speaking of helpful therapists... 

6. There is Absolutely Nothing Wrong with Seeking Help. 

I had known for most of Annika's life that she had sensory issues, but we were never aggressive about seeking help. Finally, though, when Annika was 6 years old and we had moved to Manhattan, we decided to actually talk to people about what kind of therapies might be available for these issues, which led to Annika doing OT (occupational therapy) and food therapy (by a speech therapist) for a couple of years. These therapies truly made a world of difference. I only wish I had done this earlier, but am now trying to encourage others by sharing how helpful these therapies can be for sensory issues.

5. How to Relate More Deeply to my Own Parents. 

I see so much of myself in Annika, from old pictures to old videos to memories of my personality. And I understand my parents so much more when they speak of my intensity, or quirkiness, or fascinations as a child. And even more, the type of love and worry that they must feel became crystal-clear once I had Annika.

4. How to Love Will Even More. 

I read somewhere that two-thirds of marriages experience a decline in martial satisfaction during the first year after having a baby. I am not sure why, but Will and I were lucky enough to feel even more connected after having Annika. Adding a child made me appreciate Will even more. And watching Will interact with Annika showed me that there is so much love in this world to go around for everyone. 

3. It Doesn't Get Easier, It Just Gets Different. 

I truly thought that after certain milestones, things would become so much easier. Surely once my child was 7 years old and a fully functioning mini-adult, parenting would be a cake walk, right? In some ways, this is true - it is certainly much easier physically when children get older, and being sleep deprived is a surefire recipe for crazy-making. But having an older child is not necessarily easier, just different. It is deeper with the potential to also be more joyful, more painful, and more complex. Annika has taught me that *how* a child needs their parents changes, but *that* they need them is a constant. 

2. Your Children Are Not You. 

This has become my parenting mantra: Your Children Are Not You. Annika and I do have many similarities, but she is is still very much her own person: she is artistic, loves drawing, dislikes organized activities, loves building things - the list goes on. Annika has taught me that there is no one on earth like her...including me. 

1. The Amount of Love for a Child Truly Takes Your Breath Away. 

I had no idea how fierce the love you have for your own child is, or how raw and vulnerable being a parent can be. It is intense joy. It is intense pain. It is messy and it is beautiful. It is simply amazing.

Happy 15th Birthday, Annika Grace! It is a joy and an honor to be your mother, and I am thankful every single day for the lessons I have learned from you. We love your free spirit, your love of art and creative writing, and your courage to be yourself. I love you, kiddo!!