The Weight of Expectations

I have decided the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is sacred, holy, and fragile. So very fragile. So many holidays and all of their accompanying joy and stress and obligations. So many traditions to fulfill, some which fill your cup and others which do not. And so many expectations.

The weight of expectations makes the holiday season a delicate balance. In some cases, we are seeing treasured family members with which we have not crossed paths in the same year, and it feels like our whole lives are on display in one particular moment. Our children's behavior, our cooking, our housekeeping, our body image all feel vulnerable and subject to inspection.

In other cases, trying to make the holidays a joyous time of year comes at a high cost. It is impossible to carry on every tradition from our own youth, our partner's youth, our children's childhood - and still maintain some semblance of sanity. Deciding what to purge and what to hang on to can bring up long-buried emotions and feel more like a test of values than a simple decision of whether to choose a real or an artificial Christmas tree.

Every December, I whip myself into a frenzy. It is the end of semester and final exam time at work. We usually travel over the Thanksgiving holiday and come into December short on energy and time. This year, I realized it was December 1st, and we had not even thought about Advent calendars. Instead of Christmas lights, we have rotting pumpkins on our porch from October. Our Christmas tree remains in a box in the garage.

This year, I am going to remember the weight of expectations are self-imposed. I am worried about seeing relatives for holiday gatherings because I have gained weight this year - but I doubt anyone cares. I feel a little guilty we have broken our 14-year-Advent-calendar streak - but our children have not mentioned the lack of a calendar and it may be a tradition which is no longer needed. I wish our house were magically decorated for Christmas - but not enough to dig anything out.

I hope you have a glorious holiday season. And can break free from expectations.