Hope

I used to joke with my husband that God knew that I could not handle anything actually traumatic happening. I lived a charmed life. Oh, I had mental health issues and a variety of ordinary struggles, but nothing awful had ever happened. 

The past 12 months have changed this, and I have joked that I must have finally "graduated" into being trusted to handle challenging events. Many of my blogs have been depressing in tone as I navigated these emotions. 

But today, I am feeling hopeful, for a variety of reasons: 

• I miss my dear friend Christine every day. But today, seeing her picture pop up in a memory post on Facebook made me smile instead of weepy. And I am struck with how lucky I am to have had such a dear friend in my life - even though her life was tragically cut short. 

• I miss my beloved father-in-law every day. My husband misses his dad with a fierce intensity matched only by the deep love they shared. But today, I am struck with how lucky I am that our children had 14 and 10 wonderful years with him, and are old enough that his memories will live on in their own hearts. 

• My foot is finally healing. I am worried I might not run again, or that I may be more prone to repeated injuries. But today, I am struck with how lucky I am to heal, that I can be mobile again, and that I might find other ways of movement that bring me joy. 

• My children have challenges. I often worry about what the future holds. But today, I am struck with how lucky I am that they are healthy, bright, creative, unique individuals - and I am incredibly blessed to be their mother. 

• I do not know the future of my religious denomination or of my own local church. But today, I am struck with how lucky I am to have such a wonderful church family who will forge our path forward together. 

None of the events in our lives our guaranteed. We can work hard, make good choices, love fiercely - and still wind up with tragedy, heartache, pain. But I am feeling hopeful that during struggles there will always be joy, renewal, triumphs. And I am very lucky to have such daily reminders that the worst thing is never the last thing, that resurrection is possible after death, that morning follows darkness, that joy follows pain. Always and forever.