On Forcing

A meme making the rounds recently feels like it has been shot like an arrow straight into my heart: "The biggest lesson I learned this year is not to force anything: Conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for; whatever flows, flows; what crashes, crashes. It is what it is."

I am one of the biggest believers in forcing things, although I frame this behavior as "striving" rather than "forcing." I make goals. I try to work toward goals. And I am also intentional about how I spend my time. I intentionally try to carve out time for work, home, family, friends, church, priorities. I attempt to reach out and connect with people whose company I enjoy.

So a part of me bristles when I see suggestions that perhaps I should force less, strive less, sit back more. I am a natural introvert and would probably spend my days at home, happily absorbed in a book, with little contact with the outside world if I stopped striving for intentional social interaction.

But I also understand the sentiment behind this message. That making goals and achieving them at work differs greatly from how interpersonal interactions function. That it is impossible to force any relationship, at any level, because of the dual nature of interactions. That no one can control how others react - and that striving to do so only leads to pressure and awkwardness on all sides. That you can only put your best self out into the universe - and hope it is enough. Because it is what it is.