Whom Shall I Disappoint Today?

Some people have FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. I have FODO: Fear of Disappointing Others.

This is at the root of so much of my anxiety. I can start to have a legitimate panic attack just by thinking that there is a chance I may have disappointed others. This is a very unhealthy and self-destructive way to live much of the time, but there it is.

Current people I am afraid I have disappointed:

- The Amazon sellers who write and ask for reviews to support their livelihood. I do not have the energy right now to write a review on a product that stirs no emotional response in me.

- The Amazon shipment people who ask for me to provide feedback on the quality of the shipping materials. Shipping materials. Yes. Why is this a thing?

- The survey people on the Blue Cross, Blue Shield website that always pop up for a survey and I always decline because who has time for that but what if they really needed the survey and I am hurting them?!

- Bell choir, which I am currently not playing in due to my foot injury and is short on people.

- The FIT Closet, which I am also not currently volunteering at due to my foot injury, and feel like I am flaky and letting people down.

- A cause I am volunteering at right now, but where I feel like I am doing less than everyone else and not pulling my weight.

- My co-authors, because it takes me forever to get anything done, and, when I do, it isn't as high of a quality as I would like.

- The American Red Cross, which is really really REALLY short on my blood type. I even signed up for the most recent drives but the constant e-mails and phone calls have continued.

- My kids, who so often get the stressed-out version of me. I'm not sure if there really IS another version, mind you, so maybe they aren't really missing out. ;-)

- My husband, who is my favorite person in the world, and gets so little of my time and energy.

- Every single person who has a birthday on Facebook and who has a birthday fundraiser whom I love and adore but yet lack the energy to contribute to every cause.

 - Every non-profit or cause on social media that needs donations or money or time or attention and which I support in spirit but not in actual action.

- Society, which tells me I should weigh less than I currently do.

Obviously, there are some things on this list that are ridiculous (the feedback over Amazon packing materials) and others that are more serious (my children only seeing stressed-out me). But they are all united by this common fear that my action or inaction are disappointing others.

It would be awesome to close this blog with a nice vignette about how I no longer worry about disappointing anyone but myself (strangely enough, fear of disappointing myself didn't even make the list?). But that would be a lie. So I will close this entry just with the parting words that FODO is so very real.