Eighth Grade

Last night, Annika and I watched the movie "Eighth Grade." It is rated "R," which originally surprised me. given that the movie is purported to be a very realistic account of 8th grade. Annika, though, originally commented, "Mom, 8th grade is kind of R-rated in real life."

The movie is really, really good, despite the R-rating, and does an excellent job of highlighting all of the issues that middle school students are dealing with. Just off the top of my head, these issues from the movie include:

- Self-identity struggles
- Body image
- Acne
- Wanting to desperately to fit in
- Peer pressure
- Trying to be popular
- Changing family relationships
- Early romantic feelings
- Pressure to send explicit pictures
- Pressure to act sexually advanced
- Constant Internet usage
- Constant perfectly curated Instagram feeds

So many of these issues are different from my own 8th grade experience. So many of them are also untrue for my own daughter, who has chosen thus far to avoid social media. But the emotions surrounding 8th grade are timeless. Not knowing who you are. A body that seemingly has changed and betrayed you overnight. Desperation to find your tribe and "your people" but lacking the skills to do so. A sense that everyone else on the planet has it together except for you.

8th grade was probably the worst year of my own life. I made some really poor choices and acting cruelly to another girl who had only been kind to me. I was so desperate to please a friend and to cement her as a lifelong best friend that I ended up alienating her and everyone else around. I felt overshadowed, overlooked, lonely, desperate.

In many ways, Annika fared much better in 8th grade. She has a strong tribe of friends who have been together since early elementary school. She has avoided social media thus far and is generally unaware of others outside of her small circle. She at least does a good job of pretending to enjoy spending time with her entire family.

I would never, ever want to repeat 8th grade ever again. Watching the movie Eighth Grade last night brought back so many painful repressed emotions that it was almost like watching a horror show unfold in slow-motion at times. Annika is still close enough to her own 8th-grade experience that it may be hard to disentangle her own feelings, but I imagine that 8th grade will not likely serve as a crown jewel of her life.

But going through middle school in general and 8th grade in particular helped shape me into who I am today. And I imagine that is the same for everyone - struggling with body image, trying on different personalities and identities for size, facing constant pressure from all sides. And so it goes.