Our family watched the 2003 remake of the movie Freaky Friday last night, which perhaps was not the best choice for my 7-year-old son, but seemed right on point with my 6th grade, 11-year-old daughter. In this movie, a mom and a daughter each feel misunderstood and unappreciated by the other, and wind up trading places for a day due to a magical spell. My own daughter is not quite to the age of the film's protagonist (15 years old), but is old enough that so many of the themes of feeling awkward and not fully understood seemed very timely.
I remember being 11 years old like it was yesterday. There were good moments. There were very vivid bad moments. In some ways, I was very much the person I am today. In other ways, I hardly recognize myself. And watching this movie reminded me of so many of the hopes I have for my own daughter as she navigates the tween and then teen years:
7. I hope that even when she feels awkward, she still realizes that she is beautiful. Being a tween is hard. Your body is changing, you're no longer a little kid but so very far away from being an adult, and it's sometimes hard to recognize yourself in the mirror. It's so easy to feel awkward and uncomfortable in your own skin. I know that when I was in middle school, I hated any and all photos of myself. But my hope is that she will still recognize that she is a beautiful person inside and out, and should not be afraid to let her light shine.
6. I hope that she is a good friend to all. Oh gosh, is this one of my biggest fears. It seems that so many social circles at this life stage become full of drama and exclusions and hurt feelings - some perhaps due to intentional actions, but the vast majority of the time due to unintentional decisions made by fellow peers also navigating their own way in the world. I hope that she is a good friend to ALL peers, and is sensitive enough to recognize when actions may hurt others.
5. I hope that her friends remain steadfast and true. This hope feels quite raw to me after watching a movie where the protagonist's former best friend is now "evil" and delights at humiliating the other at all chances. While this degree of alienation is completely unrealistic, bordering on comical, I hope that she is spared the pain that comes from when former friends turn on you. I still shudder at some of the things my best friend in 8th grade said to me after we had a falling out, and it's enough that as a 36-year-old women today, it still makes me cringe inside. I hope that all children growing up today can be spared similar embarrassment and pain.
4. I hope that she isn't embarrassed about what she loves. Speaking of embarrassment, I remember that around the time of turning 11, I started to feel embarrassed by what I enjoyed. I wasn't interested in fashion or trends, and still enjoyed imaginative play at that age, even though most of my peers had outgrown this. And I see so much of my daughter in myself, with her love for imaginative games and artwork. I hope that she can remain stronger than I did, and not feel pressured into giving up what she loves - while also accepting everyone else's unique interests.
3. I hope that she feels understood. Another common theme from Freaky Friday was how very misunderstood teens can feel. While I think we all feel misunderstood at times, I think that tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to this feeling. So much of feeling "understood" is about one's own perspective - but I hope I can convey how very much I care and want to truly understood what it's like to live her life.
2. I hope that she knows how much she is loved. This goes hand in hand with feeling understood. One of the reasons that I fell in love with my husband is that I felt that he completely, 100% "got" me (and still does). Even though it's unlikely she will understand the full grip of love and joy and fear and pain and overwhelming emotions that being a parent brings, I hope that our own daughter continues to realize that we love her fiercely, undeniably, and unconditionally.
1. I hope she realizes that love and kindness are all you need. We talked about this in Children's Church today - that the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love your neighbor, both with all of your mind and soul and strength. It sounds so simplistic, but as The Beatles said, Love is All You Need....although I would add "kindness" as well. If you are kind and loving and caring toward others, you have the power to change the world. And I hope she realizes that this - not top grades, not athletic prowess, not artistic talent - is all that ultimately matters.
What were your own experiences being an 11-year-old? What would you add?
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