Just Winging It

After years of floundering around as parents, I have finally realized that Will and I *do* have a parenting philosophy. It is officially called "Just Winging it," which sounds much better than Parenting By Laziness. I am still learning each day how to wing it, as parenting continually comes up with more challenges and scenarios than I ever thought possible...but after close to 9.75 years of parenting, I am getting much more comfortable with just making things up as I go.

For new and experienced parents alike, here are 10 ways in which you can Just Wing It:

10. Feeding Your Baby/Child - do you want to breastfeed or use formula? Organic homemade baby food or baby food jars from the store? School lunch or packed lunch? Good news: Since we live in a developed country with a safe water supply, there are no wrong answers to this. And even better, you can change your mind as you go, like me who changed with the very same children from a crazy long-term breastfeeder to a mom whose children think it has been a "long time" since we have been to McDonalds if it has been more than a week.

9. Stay Home or Work Outside the Home - do you want to work full-time? Job share or work part-time? Stay at home full-time? More good news; you can make this one up as you go, too! I know many moms who have stayed home while their children were little and re-entered the workplace later, just as I know many moms who worked full-time when their children were little and decided to cut back once their children started school. In my first year of being a mom, I went from working full-time, to staying home full-time, to working part-time, and ended up full circle of being gone at work/school full-time. And your children are resilient and will thrive whatever you decide works best for your family.

8. Sleep - how will you train your child to sleep? Bahahaha, that's just me laughing at the assumption that you can make anyone sleep. ;) Sometimes kids just wake up all the time at night. All.the.time. And it has very little to do with you, so you just try things and make it up as you go until finally, at last, they start sleeping. Or go to college. ;)

7. Discipline - this is something that I worried about before we had children - how would we discipline our (imaginary) child? I knew I did not want to use spanking as a tool, but what other tools were there? Honestly, this is something that I think I wasted a ridiculous amount of time worrying about, because it's impossible to say the best way to discipline without knowing your child and the specific behavior and circumstances. I also think that any book that tells you the best way to discipline your child (whom the author has never met) is full of it. ;)

6. Potty Training - bahabaha!!! It might be my stubborn children or it might be my lazy attitude (probably a little of both), but my kids met all of their milestones late. My daughter started talking very late. My son rolled over very late (8 months, in fact). Not surprisingly, they were both late to potty train. And you know what? I truly believe that potty training is not a skill that you just hand to your child one day and they pick up, but something that they develop on their own time and own terms. And the method that really "clicks" with your child will be different for every single person.

5. Your Child's Passions - I have written before that I very naively assumed that our children would be some kind of weighted average between Will and me. Thus, if they were interested in soccer, then Will would take the lead, and if they wanted to learn to play the piano, I would be all over that. This might very well be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever thought. Both of our children dislike soccer and have no interest in piano, but love drawing and art...something neither Will nor I know anything about. I very quickly learned that our children's passions are theirs - not ours - and it is likely in an area that you as a parent have very little idea of how to guide them.

4. Age of Responsibility - there are lots of articles that talk about this, like, What age should your child play alone outside? What age can they walk to school by themselves? What age can they first hold a butter knife? And trying to decipher all of those questions is exhausting. It really comes down to (1) your own child and (2) the situation. And no amount of flow-charting is going to make those decisions any easier.

3. Chores and/or Allowance - this is another area that there are many articles and guidelines, but ultimately no "how-to" guidebook. A lot of articles will advise that children should be making their bed every day....which is great, unless you yourself fail to make your own bed, hypothetically speaking. ;) Others have very strong opinions on the pros or cons of giving an allowance in exchange for doing chores. Good news: No child appears to be screwed up forever for not receiving (or receiving) an allowance, so you really can't go wrong. :)

2. Activities - another area with much guidance. Every child should play on a team sport. And learn a musical instrument. And join a scouting organization. And be involved in church. And eat dinners as a family together every night. And spend two hours a night on homework. And get enough sleep. Oh, and make sure your child is not over-scheduled!! The balance between structured and unstructured activities is going to be different for every.single.family and will shift constantly. And again, no magic optimization exists.

1. Advice - finally, we are living in the Age of Advice. There are 10 million parenting books on the market with often polar-opposite viewpoints (e.g., Sears' Baby Book vs. Babywise). There are also about 10 million websites and articles on the Internet about how to parent. You can even sign up for an Internet newsletter to be delivered to your inbox every week (or every day!) telling you All the Ways You Could Be Screwing Up. It's impossible to feel as though we are ever going to meet all of the standards out there, especially since standards on what is "best" so often contradict each other. In the end, I truly believe it comes down to Just Winging It.

What areas of parenting or life do you find yourself just winging it?