Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

On Saturday morning, our family is leaving for a 2-week road trip. My big annual accounting conference is in New York City this year, so we are going to drive up a week early so that we can see a lot of New England and the East Coast ahead of time. Aside from the fact that I am a little panicked about the fact that I am going to be gone for 2 weeks, I am super looking forward to this adventure. I thought I would compile a list of tips for others who are embarking on similar road trips, such as . . . 

7. Make a List, and Forget at Least One Thing On It. This is one of the sexiest things my husband has ever done for me -- a typed-up spreadsheet list of all that we need on our trip. The picture above is of our big road trip three years ago. Lists are super awesome, but yet, I always forget at least something . . . 

6. Who Needs Close to Fit? This probably would have been a good time of year to clean out the kids' closets and figure out which actually fits and what does not. But who has energy for that?! Instead, I am adopting the philosophy that we won't run into anyone we know and it will be all right for our children to wear too-small and/or mismatched clothes. 

5. Renew Your Tags. One time, we drove round-trip to Colorado and were gone for almost a week . . . with expired tags the whole time. I have no idea how we managed to avoid being pulled over at any point. This time, we narrowly avoided having to make a 4,000-mile trip with temporary tags - only three trips to the county clerk's office needed. ;) 

4. Learn to Bend the Space-Time Continuum. We may be a tad over-ambitious on what all we can accomplish on this trip, but not nearly as overly-ambitious as our original plan (such as: driving to Morgantown, West Virginia in one day) We did cut out the "Niagara Falls" portion of the road trip and are going to leave a day earlier than planned, but even still, the ability to bend the space-time continuum would make this adventure much more feasible. 

3. Just Say Yes! Because "no" is for drugs, and saying "yes" to ever possible ridiculous request that your children have in the car can save your sanity! Unlimited car screen time? Doritos for breakfast? We're on vacation, baby! 

2. Ditch the Minivan, Just Because. We almost made this drive with our old van, which has over 170,000 miles and has been making weird noises, but ended up buying a 2013 Camry this summer, which we are going to take on the trip instead. It will be our first long road trip that is not in a minivan. May God have mercy on our souls . . . 

1. Let it Go . . In the Words of Elsa, Let it Go. You will screw stuff up. You will get behind schedule. You will be stuck in traffic in the middle of the nowhere for freaking ever. You will let your children hear choice phrases come out of your mouth. And you know what? It will all be okay. And memories for a lifetime will be made.

The Magnificence in the Mess

I have never been an organized person. I thought I was at one point, when I was a child and arranged all of the books in my room by Dewey Decimal System convention, but I had my first hint that perhaps a life of organization was not in the cards during my senior year in high school. I was so overwhelmed by college brochure information that I stacked (okay, not even stacked - through) them on the floor in my bedroom until they formed a giant avalanche of paperwork.

I have lost my keys on more occasions than I can count. I have left all of my clothes behind in a hotel closet. I have lost my birth certificate, my ID, copious amounts of cash, my checkbook, and my mind.  I have worn two shoes of different heights on different feet for the entire day. How can one person possibly be so disorganized?

I used to feel overwhelmed by my lack of organization because I truly wanted to be organized. Did I mention that I am an accountant? I love the idea of having neat handwriting, a clutter-free kitchen, a system for paperwork, and books organized by the Dewey Decimal System convention. It just isn't a reality.

My darling children have - inherited? watched and learned by example? - my tendency to be unorganized and have begun to emulate the same. My son will wear his shirt backwards all day without noticing it. My daughter will leave her math book behind at school. On any given day, our living room floor is covered with shoes and colored pencils and random pieces of paper that have made their way to the floor rather than a recycling container.

I used to feel guilt and shame and panic over my lack of organization. I felt that we couldn't invite anyone we didn't know over to our house until our place was picked up, which was basically never. After all, if people could see what a mess I was on the outside, surely they would be able to tell what a mess I was on the inside, and that would be the end of that. I would see other people, with their put-together lives and balanced checkbooks and keys in the right place at the right time and wonder if I would ever get it together. (In case you are wondering, the answer is "no" ;) ).

But do you know what? I truly believe that God has opened my eyes to seeing that there is magnificence in the mess. If nothing else, showing our inner and outer mess to the world shows others that they, too, are not alone. That relationships are more important than whatever clutter may be lying on top of surfaces. That kindness and love are more important than wet towels on the floor. That embracing ourselves in all of our messiness is so much more important than whatever organizational disaster may be waiting to befall us.

And moreover, being able to look past the mess opens ourselves to all kinds of possibilities. Our kitchen table is currently covered with a huge roll of butcher block paper with an imaginary scene of My Little Ponies drawn out all over it. Our basement bar is inaccessible due to the art projects that have piled up. Our living room has been turned into a giant fort with blankets and pillars galore spread out all over the ground. And when I look around, I no longer see "failure." I see our children's imagination blossoming, summer adventures happening, and a lifetime of memories being made. And do you know what? That is a mess in which there is truly magnificence.

RIP, Audrey

A week ago today, we lost our 21-year-old cat, Audrey. Will and I were married in 1998 and Audrey came into our life in 1999 when she was 4 years old, meaning that she has been with us almost the entire time we were married. She is the first real pet I have ever had and hence the first time I have gone through losing a beloved pet. I wanted to capture some memories about Audrey and reflect on what she meant to us.

When we first adopted Audrey, her owners had named "Chiquita Chiquita Banana Bacardi." She was usually called "Shitty Kitty." We decided that she needed a new name and a new start, and named her Audrey Allison Hageman, her first name after Audrey Hepburn and her middle name Allison because I loved the name (and she was clearly my first pet, as evidenced by the fact that I thought she needed a middle name ;) ).

Audrey was not a nice cat for many years. She bit my friend Denise once, and usually attacked my friend Karen. Audrey would chase her tail and growl, and when she caught it, would bite it repeatedly and make loud growling signs that made her sound like a loud, possessed demon. She weighed 18 pounds and looked and sounded like a bobcat. But as Will put it, if Audrey was a pain in the rear - she was our pain in the rear.

Audrey followed us through so many moves - from our apartment in Manhattan, to an apartment in KC, to a house in Olathe, all the way to an apartment in Orlando, a house in Orlando, and both of our houses in Manhattan. Along the way, as she grew older, she mellowed more and more. She used to growl and run away if you tried to pet her. By the time that Annika was born in 2004, Audrey was much more tolerant and would voluntarily come up and sit on your lap.

Annika's first word was "kitty" (pronoucned "keeeey!") and Audrey positively delighted her. Annika has always had a special connection with cats and Audrey was her primary bond for many years. "Kitty" was one of the first five words that Daniel spoke and he, too, delighted in running after Audrey and loved to proclaim that she was "so adorable."

Four years ago, in 2012, we adopted two kittens, and it seemed like Audrey was starting to go downhill. She developed kidney disease and was peeing all over the house. At the time, we thought we were going to lose her - Audrey was 17 years old at this point - but she rallied and with lots of treatment from our awesome vet, recovered.

Four years passed by, and Audrey did well for a cat her age, but then went downhill recently. She was in acute kidney failure and could not even move at all by the end. It was absolutely awful to watch. Audrey had been over 18 pounds and weighed close to 5 pounds by the end of her life. She quit eating, quit drinking, and stayed paralyzed in one position all day. I am tearing up just writing about how absolutely awful she was at the end and I wouldn't wish having to watch your pet suffer like that on anyone.

Our house hasn't been the same the past week with Audrey absent. We still have our two other cats, but Audrey has been with us for so long that it just seems wrong that she isn't there to jump up and snuggle up on my lap. But I feel so fortunate that she was able to be a part of our lives for so many years, and that our children are old enough that both will remember her.

Rest in peace, Audrey. We love you and miss you very much.

Kid Trip Weekends

These past two weekends, Will and I have each gone on a one-on-one trip with each of the kids. We had instituted "kid date nights" a few years ago, but it seems that the day-to-day busyness has crept enough that keeping a regular schedule has been difficult. So we decided to try something new - a "Kid Date Trip" where we would each spend a weekend going on a trip with one of our kids, and then swap kids the following weekends.

The first weekend, Annika and I and Will/Daniel each ended up heading to Kansas City - albeit in different hotels and vehicles, to maximize the individual bonding time. Annika and I enjoyed pedicures, shopping on the Plaza, a movie, the Toy and Miniature Museum, and Schlitterbahn water park. Will and Daniel enjoyed Legoland, (the same) movie, and . . . Schlitterbahn. We ended up seeing each other at Schlitterbahn and had lunch as a family. ;) 

This weekend, we truly went our separate ways. Daniel and I headed to Hutchinson, KS, where we stayed at an exotic animal farm bed and breakfast just outside in Nickerson; other highlights included the salt mine tour and a visit to the Cosmosphere. Annika and Will headed all the way to St. Louis! Their main objective was to visit the City Museum, but they also visited a giant puzzle warehouse and watched a movie. 

We have all had a great time and think that this one-on-one time was a great investment, but there are several things that we learned. Such as:

7. Don't expect a complete heart-to-heart. I think my expectations were probably too high, because I figured with this much one-on-one time all weekend long, my children would be forced to share all kinds of intimate details about their thoughts and feelings. Well. As it turns out, they can talk about Warriors and/or Minecraft for hours on end - no intimate sharing necessary. ;)

6. Our kids are delightful. Seriously, I don't know if it was the one-on-one time or the fact that we were doing activities of interest to the kids, but I can't remember the last time that each of them was so delightful, pleasant, and happy. Both of them were actually humming at different points in time, which is extremely rare.

5. It's a "trip" for us, but a "vacation" to the kids. There is a hilarious article going around now about the difference between a "trip" (essentially with kids) and a "vacation" (someplace where you go to relax, typically without kids). I kept thinking in my mind that we were on a trip with the kids, and would be thrown off when they would say things like, "We're on vacation!!" It also reminded me that "vacation" is a frame of mind and it doesn't really matter where you go or what you do.

4. Our kids are full of surprises. Annika has long had sensory issues and isn't interested in fashion at all, so I was shocked when she not only requested to have a pedicure, but liked it so much that she now wants to have a manicure sometime. Daniel utterly abhors having his picture taken . . . but on these trips, was actually begging at times to pose. Go figure.

3. It's not about you. I had to remember that this was a "trip" for me rather than a "vacation" today, when I found myself frustrated that Daniel wanted to zip on through the Cosmosphere museum while I wanted to savor every word. This was about bonding with my son, not with learning all of the details of the Cold War-era space race. ;)

2. Our kids have a better idea of what they want to do than I do. Several activities that I thought the kids would love - the Toy and Miniature Museum for Annika, the Cosmosphere for Daniel - they did enjoy, but what they really loved was what they had requested to do - in my own case, Schlitterbahn for Annika and the Salt Mine Tour for Daniel.

1. Time is currency. I really felt much more connected and in-tune with the kids after all of our time together, despite the lack of a magical cure-all imagined in point #7. ;) These years are flying by so quickly and I am so thankful that we had this chance to bond. I hope we can make it a new annual tradition!

Signs I'm a Slacker Mom

One of my friends shared a hilarious article called 20 Signs I'm Too Tired to Mom (click here), which you must read if you have not yet. I could identify with basically every single item on this list. Only, I realized, it was not just when I was tired -- this is pretty much my constant state of motherhood. So either I am tired all of the time or just lazy. Maybe both. Here are some of the things I do that make me think I, too, must be a tired/lazy/slacker mom:

10. Clothing. Have you seen my children's clothing choices? My only goal for the summer is basically that my children change clothes every day, which as it turns out is pretty hard to instill. My son wore a "Merry Christmas!" cat shirt last week, in July. My daughter has been known to wear animal-print shirts with non-matching animal-print pants. Heck, they even wear completely weather inappropriate clothes at times, and I generally let it go by telling myself they'll figure it out eventually.

9. Sleeping in Clothes. Part of the reason for not being able to wear new clothes every day is that my children frequently sleep in their clothes, particularly my tween daughter. Hey, no pajamas means even less laundry to do, so that's a win!

8. Signing up for Parties. When I know that a party or school appreciation sign-up is coming up, I try to stalk the sign-up list so that I can bring bottled water. Or paper goods. Or really anything that I can just by at the store that does not expose my extreme lack of creativity and artistic ability.

7. Planning Parties. When I've coordinated or co-coordinated parties in my kids' class, the games/activities typically involve items purchased straight from Oriental Trading Company (thank you, free shipping!). Having people over for parties at our house typically involves lots of Little Caesars' pizza and even more mayhem. I consider it a public service for people attending our parties that they can leave feeling better about themselves and the state of their house.

6. Throwing Money at Problems. Probably the biggest example of this is that we have a bi-weekly cleaning service, and have used one for the past six years. I feel somewhat guilty because this means that the kids have fewer chances to learn household skills, but my hatred of scrubbing toilets is stronger than my guilt, so here we are. ;)

5. Reading Time. I love to read. So one of the most ingenious ideas I had was to implement a family-wide "reading time" for 30 minutes a day. It was technically to encourage our reluctant-reader son to grow in his love of books, but, who am I kidding - I was just delighted that it gave me some extra time in each day to read guilt-free.

4. Nutrition. I refuse to believe that ketchup isn't a vegetable. If it's good enough for the USDA, surely it's good enough for me, right?! Please don't kill my dream . . .

3. Organized Activities. I feel kind of worried at times that my kids don't have any organized activities that they are truly passionate about.  But then I think about how neither my husband nor I really did either at their ages, and hey, it's one less area to spend energy.

2. Bathing. Please don't tell me that swimming in a saltwater backyard pool isn't the time as taking a bath, because that will destroy my whole strategy for my children's hygiene.

1. Blogging. What have been doing the last bit of time? Not spending time with my kids -- instead, I've been blogging about being a mom. The irony is thick. ;)

10 Things that Surprised me about China

Will and I recently lead a study abroad trip to China and it was a wonderful experience. I had never been to Asia and had never been on nor lead any sort of study abroad trip, so I was very nervous going in. I am happy to report that everything surpassed my wildest dreams. Still, there was much that surprised me about China, such as:

10. How safe the big cities felt. We stayed in Beijing and Shanghai and I was shocked at how safe I felt at all times of day. I had zero qualms running with Will at 5am. I have never felt so safe in a big city.

9. How friendly all of the people were. It's not that I expected people to be unfriendly, but I was blown away by how friendly, patient, and understanding everyone I encountered was.

8. No credit cards, but mobile pay is everywhere. It is very difficult, and hence rate, to have credit cards in China. Instead, the norm in paying was using some sort of mobile-phone app such as WeChat.

7. The Great Firewall is real but flakey. Facebook, Google, major news sites, and other random websites (the Daily Mile, Runkeeper) were all blocked. Still, there would be random times when they would start to work. And I plead the 5th on whether you can use a VPN to get around this firewall . . . 

6. There can be blue sky in Beijing. I expected to see nothing but a smoggy haze and was pleasantly surprised that we had nothing but blue (albeit hazy) skies while we were there.

5. English is somewhat present. I was pleasantly surprised that even in Beijinh and definitely in Shanghai, English didn't were everywhere. From street signs do subway station kiosks, so many places were written with Chinese characters as well as in English.

4. The Great Wall is breathtaking. This is something I never even put on my bucket list because I never imagined I would see it, but I can confirm that it is even more amazing than it looks in photos. 

3. No tipping. This was weird at first, but the no tipping and no tax at restaurants meant that you could easily calculate exactly what your bill would be. And speaking of bills, this is something that you had to request - servers would never bring it to you. 

2. The food was delicious. We were gone for something like 13 days and I absolutely, positively loved the food for something like the first 12 days. Then something hit me and I craved any kind of variety. 

1. Our kids want to visit. Perhaps it's from seeing all the pictures, but our kids are insistent that they, too, want to visit China. Or maybe the UK. But mainly China. And I can't blame them - it is an amazing country! 

Parenting Challenges in the "Sweet Spot"

My kids recently turned 12 and 8 years old this week, which are absolutely, positively delightful ages. They are currently finishing up 6th and 2nd grades this year; my daughter will start middle school in the fall, while my son will still have a number of years left at elementary school. We are truly in the "Sweet Spot" of parenting. It is absolutely a magical and special age. But there are still so many challenges and roads to explore, such as:

7. How Much Independence to Give. This is a hard one -- I want my kids to have autonomy and independence, but don't want to push them into a situation before they are ready. I also want to weigh safety (and what other people would think . . . ) with not squashing their desire to try something new themselves. We have started letting our son walk home from school on some days, and meet him at home instead of at school. He absolutely loves it. I tend to error on the side of giving independence when the kids ask for and express interest in an area, but then I still worry whether the timing was right or not. 

6. How Much to Push. Our kids are very motivated in some areas and not as much in others. Our son  has a series of timed math fact sets to complete at school -- he is very bright but not particularly fast, and has stalled out at one of these. We work on math facts a couple of times a week but I often wonder if we should be doing more, and really make a big deal about these. 

5. Balancing Safety vs. Physical Activity. This is a big one for us right now. We recently decided to purchase an outdoor trampoline as a joint birthday present to provide more options for physical activity at our house for our non-sports-loving kids. We also have a swimming pool (drowning hazard) and let them get up on the roof with us at times (falling hazard). At the moment, I am more concerned with providing outlets for them to be physically active than I am worried about potential injuries -- but again, still question myself over whether this is the right choice. 

4. How Much to Help. I let my kids do their homework on their own and do not check it unless they ask me to. Is this the right decision? I have no idea. I tell myself that it is helping them learn responsibility, but maybe it is also because I am tired at night. ;) 

3. How Much to Volunteer. I love being a part of the community where we live and personally get a lot out of volunteering at their schools and our church. But there are other things I am not a part of -- my husband is a parent leader at our 4-H club, whereas I do almost nothing. Should I be doing more in all of these arenas? Less? I don't know. 

2. How Much Technology to Allow. This is a big one and there are no easy answers -- not least because this is such a new problem for our generation. We have discovered that our son does so much better when he does not have screen time, and have greatly curtailed that at our house. But, we have also started allowing our daughter to use our home phone to text her friends. Is that appropriate? Should we be more restrictive? Should we be less restrictive? I am still waiting for the parenting manual here. 

1. How Much to Worry. I think these all come down to just how worried I should be over particular decisions. Last week, our son was supposed to go to Garden Club after school, but got mixed up and walked home instead, where he proceeded to be home alone by himself all afternoon (and it never occurred to him to call us . . . ). It all turned out just fine in the end -- he was bored but fine (and there are much worse things than being bored!). And then, I promptly proceeded to worry over whether I was worried enough over the events of the afternoon. Because that's how I roll. ;) 

What do you worry about?