Days 1 and 2 of Spring Break - South Dakota

Day 1

This spring break, we are combining two adventures - hanging out in Madison, South Dakota with our dear friends the Millers, and then headed off to Colorado to hang out in Boulder and skiing at Eldora. Our adventures kicked off on Friday - the kids were out of school, so we headed out of town once Will finished teaching. You can see the various attitudes of our children in documenting our departure. 

Nebraska! The good life.

Iowa! I always forget that you go through Iowa on the way to South Dakota.

 

We arrived in South Dakota! It was very important that we stop at Sioux Falls and eat at the kids' Very Favorite Restaurant Ever, Valentino's, the Grand Italian Buffet of Awesomeness. There was one in Manhattan that closed after the June 2011 flood and our children have been mourning its loss ever since then.

The family!

We arrived at our hotel in Madison, South Dakota a little after 10 p.m. Instead of going to bed, as would be logical, we all went swimming. Well, Daniel went into the swimming pool, Will and I lounged in the hot tub, and Annika read by the side of the pool.

Day 2

After our late evening the night before, we had a late start. Our hotel has a lovely breakfast, but we sped out looking for grocery stores so that we had procure something far more important . . . PIE!

We made it to the Millers in time for Epic Pi Day! That's right, on 3-14-15 at 9:26:53, we were able to eat pie. ;)

Next up - all three families (the Thorntons are here, too) headed to Sioux Falls for an adventure! Addy and Keagan (Miller) rode with us in the Fun Van.

The gang! It is so cool how everyone has a buddy. In the other van, Rowan (Miller) and Greg (Thornton) had a blast hanging out together.

We headed over to a really cool playground that was fun even for older kids.

Ready to enter the Butterfly House and Marine Cove!

Up first - the Marine Cove, where you can touch all kinds of sea creatures.

Annika is Under the Sea.

Sting rays! Daniel got to touch one four different times and loved it.

Next up - the Butterfly House! We loved watching all of the giant butterflies up close.

Documenting in action.

 Beautiful green butterfly.

Beth has company!

So does Matt!

Annika captured this picture of a giant butterfly landing on her and crawling up her leg.

Daniel was also thrilled that a butterfly landed in his hand.

The whole gang, minus Greg. Poor Greg was terrified of the butterflies, because they flap and might land on him. :(

After our morning adventures, it was on to Panera for lunch, where we had all kinds of adventures in seating. ;)

That afternoon, while Greg and Rowan took naps, Will offered to take the bigger kids to the park so that the other adults could take naps, too. Will Rocks!!!

I went back to the hotel with every intention of taking a nap, but it was such beautiful weather that I went for a 5-mile run instead. It felt awesome.

We all gathered back up at the Millers after naps/runs were finished. Julie and Greg are super cute!

So is Keagan. :)

The kids table at dinner! The Thorntons got two giant boxes of tacos for us to all share from the famous Taco Johns.

More PIE!!!! Matt baked two delicious homemade pies, peach and cherry, in honor of Epic Pi Day. Let it be known that there was no shortage of pie among our crowd.

After dinner, the kids had a blast playing outside in the beautiful weather and kicking/throwing different balls.

Downtown Madison! Julie, Beth, and I walked here after dinner to procure chocolates. Matt and Beth live in a great location close to everything.

Our destination - Trolley's! We bought tons of chocolate truffles and let it be known that they did not disappoint. ;)

We are looking forward to more adventures in Madison today and more fun times with our dear friends!

A Weighty Issue

*Note: I wrote this post a few months ago but am just now getting up the courage to post it. 

A while back, I wrote the following message to an online group of friends:

"Ladies, I am really struggling with my weight right now. I have gained 4 pounds in the past month alone, and realized this morning that I weigh only 5 pounds less than when I was 40+ weeks pregnant with Daniel. And since I have started tracking calories again and writing down everything that I eat in the past month, I seem to be making *worse* choices and gaining *more* weight (it's like tracking makes me more obsessed about food).

Does anyone else struggle with tracking food and finding it counter-productive to weight loss? I know there is no magic answer. I guess mainly I just want to vent and say that it is so dumb that a number on the scale has such power over me, but it does. Thanks for letting me vent. Carry on."

I would love to say I am someone who doesn't worry about weight. Who can see it for what it is - an arbitrary, dumb number on the scale that is one of a thousand different metrics for measuring health and wellness, with  questionable validity even at that. And yet weight has so much power over me. My daily emotions are often tied to what I weigh in the morning. It is ridiculous. And it is true. 

I flirted with an eating disorder in high school and in some ways I feel as though I still have never really recovered. Weight and food and that whole space in between occupy so much of my emotional energy. I weigh myself multiple times a day. I obsess about food, both feeling guilt over choices I have made and lusting after food that I wish I had. Again, it is ridiculous. And also true.

Weight has so many emotions. It is messy and awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassing and touchy to talk about weight. I am acutely aware that I am neither overweight nor rail thin, which makes it that much more awkward to bring up as a concern. But as with so many other hidden demons, I wonder if we give more power to them by remaining silent, particularly if we feel ashamed or that we have no reason to worry about something.

So if you, too, are someone who is plagued by struggles or obsessions or strong emotions over your weight, please know that you are a Beautiful Warrior. And so very not alone. 

Moms, 5 Ways to Tell You're Doing a Great Job

I have not met a Mom yet who is convinced she is doing a great job. Myself included. I can think of a million ways that I have screwed up in the last week alone, ranging from completely overreacting about something and making my child cry, to failing to check one of my children's backpacks last night, to having another child mention this morning, "Mom? Maybe sometime, we should buy food again." And I am not alone. So many mothers are certain that they are failing when the truth could not be further away.

So how can tell if you are doing a great job and have hit the Parenting Lottery?

1. Your child is alive. This one is huge. Remember all of the times you prayed that if your baby just made it through 3 weeks, you would never ask for anything again in your life? Guess what? You made it!

2. Your child is fed. Nursing or formula fed, organic or GMO, home-cooked meals or McDonald's - they all have the same goal. Feeding your child. Did your child eat yesterday? You rock! Did your child not eat yesterday due not to a lack of providing food but his/her own refusal to eat? You also rock!

3. Your child is clothed. If they are a boy over the age of 5, chances are that it is likely 0 degrees and in the midst of a winter storm and he is wearing shorts, but that's okay, because he is still wearing clothes, and in our society, the wearing of clothing is a socially desirous trait. ;)

4. Your school-aged child is being educated. Home school, public school, private options, religious, secular - it doesn't matter. What matters is that you care enough about education to make sure your children are exposed to education in ways that help them open their minds and hearts.

5 Your child is loved. I truly believe that it is all about love. Love, love, love. In the end, Love Wins. In relationships. In religion. And most of all, in parenting.

Moms, You Rock!! 

The School-Aged Phase

I read an absolutely lovely article today that my friend posted, called, "The One Question Every Parent Should Stop Asking" (click here). This article hit me over the head and I can't stop thinking about it. The crux of the article is that we are asking too often, "What might we miss if we don't take advantage of these opportunities?" Because of fear - we worry about kids' potential and learning and growing, and end up over-scheduling them with activities and sports and academics.

With my own 1st grader and 5th grader, I feel that are firmly in the clutches of the School-Aged Years and that our day-to-day life has changed a great deal in the past bit - in large part because we are (oh, who are we kidding, I am) chasing after always trying to do more, more, MORE. Instead of the Days Being Long and the Years Short, I feel like The Days are Short and the Years are Shorter. Time seems to be going faster than ever now that both kids are out of the baby/toddler/preschool stage, something I did not expect.

Right now, our free time revolves much more around the kids' activities than it used to with younger children. It is glorious and wonderful to see them spending time doing activities that they love and developing relationships in that manner,

But . . . Scheduling family activities is becoming harder. We used to spend entire weekends having adventures that we could choose at the last minute, such as going to museums and library story times and community-wide events. It feels like now, we still have pockets of time to do this, but weekends are much more pre-planned and with fewer long stretches of free time. If we do have time as a family, it is often running from one pre-planned activity to the next.

But, perhaps even more importantly . . . Our children actually seem to need more time with us now as parents, not less. For example, the bedtime routine now takes longer. Our kids open up about their joys and fears and worries when we lie down next to them at night, in a way that seems only possible in a dark room with no distractions. And there are no easy answers to problems. Friendship conflicts and girl drama and undergoing so many changes are problems that I can offer no easy answers for, except that I will always be there for them and they need never need navigate these waters alone. And doing so requires time, lots of unstructured and unhurried time.

I wish I could end on a bang, saying that I have found the miracle cure and the correct balance of activities to free time, of structured to unstructured, of commitments to no commitments. But I have no answers. Only that I am going to try to let go of the fear of missing out and try the best I can to create more space to breathe.

The First Two Minutes

I have heard an analogy that a woman's mind is like 10,000 browser tabs being open all at once that are constantly being clicked back and forth, while a man's mind is more like to a single browser tab. This is obviously an oversimplification, but I think there is more than a grain of truth in there that for many people, it feels hard to focus on any one thing because your mind is racing in a million directions all at once. I am one of those people.

As proof of that, here are thoughts that I had within the first two minutes of waking up:

1. Yay, today is Friday!! Oh, wait. It's Tuesday. Tuesday is not even close to Friday.

2. Tuesday - what's on Tuesday? Band? Nope, no band. Speaking of which, why don't I remember seeing Annika's instrument last night??

3. I wonder if I should make Annika practice her instrument more?

4. I wonder why neither of our kids likes to sing in choirs? But they like to sing in plays?

5. I should really get up now.

6. What's after school tonight? Bell choir? Yay, bell choir!! I wonder if it is selfish of me to do bell choir every week since it means I don't see the kids until later on Tuesdays.

7. I should really go on a run now.

8. I wonder if the fact that I have gained 4 pounds in the past month has anything to do with the fact that I can't stop eating sugar.

9. Gosh, I'm tired. And I don't even have a newborn, or any kids who wake up at night for that matter!

10. Maybe I should go to bed earlier. Naaah - that's crazy talk.

11. Oh crap! I forgot to buy Valentine's Day cards for school!!!!

12. Oh wait, that was yesterday. Sheesh. Is it possible to get early-stage dementia at 35? Maybe I should Google that. Gosh, I love Google.

13. What was I going to Google?

*******

Does your mind feel like you have 10,000 browser tabs open at once? Or are you able to focus on one thought at a time?

Smack in the Middle of the Too-Busy Trap

At the middle of Pajama and Movie Night at our kids' school, I had a sudden realization: I am suffering from a (self-imposed) disease. The Busy Disease. A friend posted an insightful article today on how being too busy and too tired and too exhausted and too overwhelmed is The Disease of the Modern Era (click here to read). 

At the moment, I feel like I am like a kid in the toy store who Wants It All! I want to do everything (and I am not doing anything particularly well). I want to be a good mom and wife and daughter and sister and friend. I want to excel in my job. I want to have and to develop meaningful relationships with people. I want to contribute to our church and at the kids' school. I want to exercise and read books and write blog posts and browse Facebook and relax. And almost every day has moments where I feel so busy or overwhelmed that I can hardly breathe, or want to cry, or both. 

I do not work the night shift, nor do I work three minimum wage jobs. I am not a single parent and do not have a deployed spouse. I do not live in the developing world. I have so much less on my plate than so many others. Feeling like I am so busy that I can hardly breathe at times is entirely self-imposed. 

I do not know what the solution is. I have made lists to try to think of responsibilities to cull and all I can think of are things that I would love to add, not cut. Well, I could totally give up all housekeeping  -and have tried that before - but would rather keep CPS away. ;) I have tried adding yoga and meditation and journaling but they end up feeling like yet another box to check in a crammed day. 

But really, deep down inside, I know why I am too busy. I have re-written this paragraph seemingly dozens of times, but it comes down to the fact that for me, being so busy is a way of keeping the threat of depression at bay. I worry that if I were to slow down, that instead of feeling a sense of peace and relief, I would only feel emptiness and despair. And I wonder if this is true with anyone else, and if we fill our days with activities and goals and projects so that we can keep our heads above water. 

In the end, I think that a life that is Too Busy but filled with what we love is still a Messy, Beautiful Life. And ultimately, that it is a price I am willing to pay. 

10 Things I've Learned in 10 Years of Parenting

I read a great article earlier this week titled, "50 Things I've Learned in 10 Years as a Parent" (click here) that was both hilarious and spot on. As a fellow 10-year member of this parenting gig, I thought I could add a few more here:

1. I learned that you should never underestimate your toddler's ability to eat raw butter from the container.

2. I learned that you cheer just as loudly as your school-aged child on the nights when they have no homework.

3. I learned that you die a little on the inside when your preschool-aged child starts correctly pronouncing one of their adorable mispronunciations.

4. I learned that if you fall asleep on the couch before putting your children to sleep, they will never, ever go to bed on their own.

5. I learned that photographers who capture heartwarming pictures of your children who are busy screaming "No camera!!!!!" are saints.

6. I learned that all of the books that promise to make your child magically sleep or eat or go to the bathroom or do anything that they can control . . . lie.

7. I learned that what seems so important and divisive when your child was a baby is totally forgotten by the time they start school.

8. I learned that all children have a magical ability to detect the absence of a toy that they have not touched in a 2-year period.

9. I learned that the saying "raising children doesn't get easier, it just gets different" is true . . . but anything is easier when you are not sleep-deprived.

10. I learned that nothing melts your heart faster and makes you feel like All Is Right With the World than overhearing one child reading a book to another.

And Bonus 11. I learned that We're All Just Faking It.

What would you add?