The School-Aged Phase

I read an absolutely lovely article today that my friend posted, called, "The One Question Every Parent Should Stop Asking" (click here). This article hit me over the head and I can't stop thinking about it. The crux of the article is that we are asking too often, "What might we miss if we don't take advantage of these opportunities?" Because of fear - we worry about kids' potential and learning and growing, and end up over-scheduling them with activities and sports and academics.

With my own 1st grader and 5th grader, I feel that are firmly in the clutches of the School-Aged Years and that our day-to-day life has changed a great deal in the past bit - in large part because we are (oh, who are we kidding, I am) chasing after always trying to do more, more, MORE. Instead of the Days Being Long and the Years Short, I feel like The Days are Short and the Years are Shorter. Time seems to be going faster than ever now that both kids are out of the baby/toddler/preschool stage, something I did not expect.

Right now, our free time revolves much more around the kids' activities than it used to with younger children. It is glorious and wonderful to see them spending time doing activities that they love and developing relationships in that manner,

But . . . Scheduling family activities is becoming harder. We used to spend entire weekends having adventures that we could choose at the last minute, such as going to museums and library story times and community-wide events. It feels like now, we still have pockets of time to do this, but weekends are much more pre-planned and with fewer long stretches of free time. If we do have time as a family, it is often running from one pre-planned activity to the next.

But, perhaps even more importantly . . . Our children actually seem to need more time with us now as parents, not less. For example, the bedtime routine now takes longer. Our kids open up about their joys and fears and worries when we lie down next to them at night, in a way that seems only possible in a dark room with no distractions. And there are no easy answers to problems. Friendship conflicts and girl drama and undergoing so many changes are problems that I can offer no easy answers for, except that I will always be there for them and they need never need navigate these waters alone. And doing so requires time, lots of unstructured and unhurried time.

I wish I could end on a bang, saying that I have found the miracle cure and the correct balance of activities to free time, of structured to unstructured, of commitments to no commitments. But I have no answers. Only that I am going to try to let go of the fear of missing out and try the best I can to create more space to breathe.