Digging Out

I have had a somewhat rocky start to the semester due to a variety of personal reasons. At one point, I felt like I was spiraling downward and it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I feel like circumstances are starting to stabilize and I can start to dig myself out.

It is easy to spiral downward, fast. It is hard to dig myself out. At one point, I had seven overdue reviews to complete for work. I finished the last one this weekend and felt an immediate sense of relief, but already have another review due this Wednesday that I have yet to begin.

I am only about a week ahead of my students for the classes I am teaching. I am behind on every single research project ever, and my co-authors have been carrying more weight than they should. I have been asking people on committees and other service responsibilities to pick up some of my duties. I have even bowed out of some community responsibilities because I am not in a good place right now.

Digging out is exhausting. It seems easier to just stay in a permanent level of complacency, disaster, immediacy. Digging out requires energy, effort, planning, intentionality. Spiraling downward means that all obligations and commitments are narrowed down to only the bare essentials. Digging out means the minutiae of everyday life has to come back into the fold. Digging out is hard work.

So today, I am going to continue to dig out. I am going to try to track down all of our overdue paperwork and fill it out. I am going to write some hard e-mails. I am going to put together a plan. And somehow, I am going to dig myself out.