My awesome friends Heather and Andrea posted a great piece from Huffington Post from a guest blogger, titled "5 Pieces of Parenting Advice I'm Tired of Hearing" (click here). These included not buying gender-specific toys, not letting kids watch DVDs in the van, not buying junk food, controlling your kids in public (good luck, sister!), and that parenting gets easier. I absolutely love this list. As my friend Heather wrote, "Add it to your list of must-reads if you're in the thick of it and feeling bombarded by a world trying to tell you how to do parenting 'right'." And because I love this list so much, I want to add a few more.
5. Enjoy Every Moment!! This was listed as one of the top comments on the original article and I cannot agree more. I understand the sentiment - you will never have this time with your child again. It is sweet and precious and wonderful and fleeting. The first year of life in particular is full of so many transformations that it is magical. But honestly, some (many?) moments are ones in which it is good that the moment is fleeing. I am glad that I do not have to relive my daughter's 2+ hour meltdowns as a toddler. I am exhausted just thinking about reliving the craziness of my son's toddlerhood. Putting pressure on ourselves to enjoy every moment is unfair, exhausting, and unrealistic.
4. There's no such thing as a picky eater! This one is a particular sore spot for me, perhaps because it is one of my biggest areas of parenting "failure." My daughter has gotten better with several years of therapy and lots of time, but she is truly a terribly picky eater. One time we stayed with friends who did not serve foods that we normally ate, and, embarrassed and not wanting to make a scene, did not fix her anything different. Our daughter did not eat anything for multiple days. Days! She would literally starve herself rather than eat. She is absolutely an extreme example, but having had the pleasure of interacting with a child who is outside of the norm, I think we should all be careful to avoid judging other parents. About anything.
3. If you are ever on your phone when your child is around, You Are the Worst Parent Ever. There have been several themes on this recently, with articles that begin with, "Dear Mom on the Phone," and bemoan the fact that Parents Today are missing out on everything that their children are doing because they are so distracted by their handheld gadgets. And while this is a good sentiment, that being present in the moment is the key to relationships and happiness and a billion other things, the underlying assumption that if you ever aren't fully in the moment that you are So Screwed is flawed. It is impossible to always be present, all of the time. And this is not a terrible thing for children to learn.
2. There are clear "rules" of parenting. If you follow Babywise, then your baby will sleep through the night at 8 weeks. If you follow the advice of Dr. Sears, then your child will be securely attached and have almost no temper tantrums. I read both of these books before my daughter was born and felt that I was destined to fail, because no matter what, I was doing something wrong as deemed by some "expert." And this is a dangerous path to follow, that there is some stranger who knows more about how to raise our child than we do.
1. If you do X, then Y will happen. I think that so much of parenting advice that frustrates and depresses people is the presumption that parents have control over their children's choices and behavior and character and outcomes in life. And we do not. We can offer healthy food choices, but our children ultimately control what they put in their mouth. We can establish a regular bedtime routine, but we cannot force a child to actually fall asleep. And so on. We do have control, but we do not. And that is what makes parenting such an adventure.
What about you? What would you add?
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