The Sacred Scared

I recently stumbled across a series of guest posts that the blog Momastery was putting together called "The Scared Scared." The idea was that even very successful people have their own inner demons and that no one has it all figured out. Each post featured a photo of a guest blogger without any make-up and featuring her account of some of her Inner Mess. I could related to ALL of these revelations. Every single one, from the fear of not being successful enough to not being happy enough to not being smart enough to having social anxiety. The fact that some of my very favorite authors/bloggers were on here, including Rachel Held Evans and Jen Hatmaker, made it even more powerful.

As if reading my mind, my very dear friend Charity wrote an awesome blog post today (click here for post) about the strong desire for approval, but what we really long for is acceptance, and we can't have true acceptance without vulnerability.

I therefore present my very own Sacred Scared:

This first part is easy. Since I never wear make-up, just about every single picture of me suffices.

The second part is hard. Because I have so many things that I am secretly, or not-so-secretly, scared about.

I am scared that I am too ambitious in my career.

I am scared that I am not ambitious enough.

I am scared that I am screwing my children up because I am not signing them up for enough activities.

I am scared that I am screwing my children up because they are doing too many activities.

I am scared that I am too selfish.

I am scared that I am not selfish enough and need to say "no" more.

And on, and on, and on. Essentially, so many days I feel like I have the biggest case of Impostor Syndrome and am just faking that I know how to raise children and strive to ultimately have a somewhat successful-ish career and keep the house from falling down and attempt to be part of our community and, and, and.

When it comes down to it, I really have no idea what I am doing. And this is terrifying for someone like me who loves to be in control. I have finally come to admit that I am just winging it with raising children, but am still having trouble making peace with the fact that perhaps everything I do will end up being Wrong.

But then I think that perhaps, this is the whole point of life. To go through it scared, and unsure, and never certain of where the path will lead. But that we still get up each day, put one foot forward, and Do the Best That We Can.

What is your Sacred Scared??