10 (More) Surprising Things about Parenting

I blogged back in August about some of the most surprising things to me about parenting (click here for post). It has come to my attention that there are even MORE surprising things that I am still discovering every day.

10. I Was a Really Good Parent Before I Had Kids

I think that this book title, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, is one of the best statements ever. (I did not find the book itself that insightful but I feel like it has already contributed to humanity through this wonderful title). I had so many vague ideas about things my own children would "always" or "never" do, which has proven to be laughable.

9. Mother's Intuition is Kind of B.S. 

There is kind of a cult of motherhood that implies that mothers always know best and that mother's intuition is often light-years ahead of other insight. Well. Maybe that is true for other mothers, but not for me. I have the absolute worst medical instincts about when a problem is or isn't serious, I never anticipate good or bad news from school, and I have a whopping 50% success rate on guessing unborn babies' gender. It's fun to remember the times when we are right, but at least for me, so many times my intuition has been wrong.

8. Every Parent has a "Difficult Age" 

I am firmly convinced that every parent has certain ages and stages that they find more difficult than others. For me, this is ages one (walking) through around age 4. I find these ages absolutely delightful to watch as a child develops, but utterly stressful to live on a day-to-day basis. Will finds the baby years difficulty, since there is hardly any interaction (especially since I breastfed). We both agree that ages almost 6 and almost 10 now, though, are truly in the "sweet spot."

7. It's All About Expectations 

There is an article going around on the web right now called "It's time to tell the truth about motherhood." It is a lovely article, and the author mentions that in the first two years of her child's life, no one ever told her how difficult it would be. I find this sad and feel bad that there is a lack of a realistic framework for so many people going in. Fortunately, all I had heard about before our daughter was born was how very difficult parenting was and how our life was over and how we would never ever have any time again. I was therefore pleasantly surprised to discover that I could, in fact, still shower every couple of days and even have time to check e-mail now and then. I didn't know it at the time, but I was really lucky to have developed such low expectations beforehand, and feel bad for those that are given unrealistic expectations.

6. Everyone Loves Babies...Because They Remember Their Own Babies 

When our daughter was born, I remember her pediatrician commenting that she was a beautiful baby, and I thought, well, of course she is, just look at her. When ever anyone would comment on her as a baby, I was smug in my knowledge that she was, in fact, more beautiful than just about any baby ever. It took me years to realize that people were (a) just being polite and/or (b) wistfully remembering their own children as babies. (For the record, though, I still maintain that my daughter and son were definitely beautiful babies. Objectively.)

5. There Are No Books Written For Past the Toddler Years, Because Good Luck with That 

I am probably in the minority, but I loved the initial idea of the "What to Expect" series. There was a nice volume for pregnancy, a nice fat volume for the first year, and a nice and even fatter volume for the toddler years. I was kind of disappointed that there was no "preschool" volume, because even though the books generally failed to conclusively answer any questions about my own children, I still liked the theory of one volume containing the most common age-related questions. Then once my own children were preschoolers, I realized that is because there are literally thousands of different questions than can come up and We Can No Longer Pretend That One Size Fits All.

4. It's Not the Terrible 2s, It's the Terrifying 3s 

This is something that there is more publicity about now: 3-years old is truly challenging, with all of the frustration of a 2-year-old, the verbal prowess of a 4-year-old, and the tenacity and ability to stick to an opinion like a seasoned defense attorney. I think that 9 out of 10 parents on the street would agree that age 3 is, on average, more difficult than age 2. And oh yes, there are also the F-U 4s for some lucky ones...

3. Seeing Other Adults Love Your Child is Truly Awesome 

I think also related to our cult of motherhood is the idea that no one can truly love a child like a mother, or at least a parent or at the very least a grandparent. And it is true that those bonds are indeed very special. But there is something truly heart-stopping about seeing your child form relationships with other caring adults and realizing that there are so many people out in the world that love them and care for them and will make the world a safe place for them. When I see my son's eyes light up when his church choir director walks into a room, or my daughter engage with her swimming instructor, my heart swells with love and appreciation.

2. Seeing Your Worst Traits in Your Children is Truly Horrifying 

I wrote previously about how Your Children Are Not You. And that is true. But, sometimes they are you...the very worst parts of you. I was reminded of this recently when my beautiful daughter announced that she hated her school picture because she "looked fat." I was horrified for so many reasons and talked to her, but this led to her (rightly) declaring, "I learned that from you!" And she was right, as I reflected on the times I have complained to my husband about a photo or my appearance. :( Seeing these negative traits that you are working on reflected back to you from your own children can truly be like a punch in the gut.

1. Your Children Will Totally Always Be Your Babies 

There is a scene in the movie Father of the Bride where Steve Martin's daughter announces that she has met a man and they are getting married; meanwhile, all Steve Martin can see is a little girl about 5 years old saying these same words. I saw this movie originally when I was a teenager and thought it was ridiculous. Well. It is SO TRUE because I look at my children who are firmly in the elementary school years, and all I can see are the tiny babies that I rocked and nursed and cuddled and carried, and whom I will love for always and will always my babies be.

What has been most surprising to you about parenting or life?