Will and I are in our 10th year of being parents and I am constantly amazed by what a wonderful, heart-warming journey it is. And surprising. Very surprising. Annika was born 9 years ago when I was 24 years old (almost 25) and I think I was still naive enough to think that I had everything figured out. Here are my Top 10 Most Surprising Things About Parenting:
10. Your Children Are Not You
This seems so obvious, but yet it was not. I honestly thought that our children would simply be a mathematical average of Will and me. I remember telling a boss when I was in college that I was not too worried about problems with my hypothetical future children because Will and I had turned out okay (oh yes, I actually said that, and I found out a few weeks later that both of her children were adopted. I was such a tool.). It has only been in the past couple of years that I have made peace with the fact that our children are probably never going to like some things that are important to Will and me, like music and soccer, and that it is okay. Because they are not us.
9. Anything You Judged People On, Your Child Will Do Tenfold
Oh my gosh, I used to be so judgmental. I remember when I was pregnant reading a magazine article that mentioned the great eating habits of an 8-year old boy who had started putting tomato on his sandwich; I thought this was ridiculous, as of course my own children would always eat and love vegetables (being in the second trimester of pregnancy had given me excellent parenting insight). All I will say is, if either of my children were to do this, I will throw a huge ticker-tape parade.
8. Breastfeeding is Awesome (And Kind of Makes Me Crazy)
I was kind of ambivalent about whether to try breastfeeding or use formula before I was pregnant with Annika, but once she was born, I became a Breastfeeding Nazi and breastfed close to 2 years. With Daniel, I swore I would be more laid back....and was even more obsessed and nursed even longer. It is what I miss most about the baby years.
7. Child as Aggressor is 1000 Times Worse than Child as Victim
I thought it was rough when Annika was the target of aggression at daycare. But nothing compares to the stress, embarrassment, and frustration of when your own child (for example, Daniel) is the aggressor.
6. The First Year is Magical
Before Annika was born, I was pretty ambivalent about the birth-to-3-years period and viewed it as something to be endured. As it turns out, I absolutely love all ages, including that stage, but have a special place in my heart for the first year of life. Part of that is because of nursing, but it is mostly witnessing an alien lump of a baby unfold into a walking, talking, running little person.
5. It is Really, Really Hard Not to Yell
Will and I decided before we had kids that we would never use spanking, which turned out to be very easy for us to follow. But not yelling? Much, much harder. I am now trying to go until the end of the year without yelling, which sounds like a Herculean task.
4. Books Don't Have All (or Any?) Answers
My first thought when getting pregnant was that I would just read every single book ever published on parenting (or close to it), and then I would be golden. Yay! Only...none of the parenting books seemed to actually be about our own children. I am comfortable now, but was shocked once I figured out that we would Just Have to Wing It.
3. Your Child Reaching a Milestone is Totally Cool
I swore I would not be one of those people who got totally excited and obsessed over milestones, like learning to walk or becoming potty trained, because after all, almost every child eventually achieves those. But do you know what? It is totally different and amazingly cool when it is your own child. And worth sharing with everyone, so the cycle can continue...
2. Children Don't Change You, Except When They Do
Before Annika was born, I remember having a passing thought that now that I was going to be a mom, I would probably become more assertive because I would be advocating for another human being now. Nine years later, I think that I am more assertive, but that probably has much more to do with the passage of time than with being a mother. On the other hand, I squint and look back at who I was before having kids and cannot imagine that life at all, since my children have completely burrowed and woven their way all around my heart and life.
1. The Amount of Love is Truly Unimaginable
It is impossible to put into words the amount of love I have for Annika and Daniel. It is so fierce that it sometimes takes my breath away. This all sounds cheesy and overblown, but surprisingly, I truly love my children even more than I ever imagined.
What about you? What sticks out as surprising you about parenting?
2 comments:
10, 9 and 7.....I totally, totally have had those moments as well!!!!
Judging. I think now that I am both an educator AND a parent of school aged children, the way I look at things is so much different on a professional level. I feel like I always listened and was good at working with parents....but now I really feel like I focus in and allow parents who contact me to be heard. And I truly believe that most parents are sending the best of what they have in their child to school....this is just different for everyone....what we think is "best". It's so easy to judge....and then when your child does that very thing you had judged other parents on.....it's a game changer!!! :)
Angela, I am RIGHT there with you!!! I always thought that I was accepting and empathetic toward others but now I can see that NOPE, I totally missed the mark!
I took an ed psych class after Annika was born (it helped me decide not to go the K-12 route, HA!) and our instructor talked about how you couldn't understand unless you were a parent how each child is so totally special to their parent and that they really and truly do want the best.
Sometimes I think that God has given me challenging situations with my children to really open my eyes. :)
Post a Comment