Worrying Wednesday

I don't like to brag, but I am, like, the best worrier ever. The. Best. Even when I have no reason to be, I still excel. I have a fabulous family, am in great health, have wonderful friends and an awesome church family, and live in a developed country with access to clean water and food and air and the whole nine yards.

And yet - I still worry. Here are five things that I are keeping me up at night right now even though they have no reason to . . . along with five reasons that I know it's going to be okay.

5. My son starting a new school this year - We have moved this summer and are zoned for a new, fabulous elementary school, where we already know many fabulous people. And yet - I am still worried. Still.Worried. I am particularly worried that as one of our non-social-butterfly children, my son will become a social pariah and never make friends again, particularly since recently he has become obsessed with Minecraft to the exclusion of all else.

Why It's Going to Be Okay - We just had a pool party this past weekend with people who we know who attend our new school and I had a great time getting to hang out with everyone, and was reminded that although it's a new school, it's not going to be a completely new experience. And my son is 7. Seven-year-old boys are usually pretty resilient. Oh, And I went to eight (8!!!) elementary schools in my elementary years, and everything was (mostly) just fine. So I just have to remember that the odds are, it's going to be okay.

4. My daughter potentially going to a different elementary school - Our daughter starts 6th grade in less than 2 weeks, and we are not sure where she will be going to school. Since she only has one year of elementary school left, we told her that she could either go to the new elementary school (with my son), or we could try to request a transfer so that she could remain at her old school for one final year. We will find out where she is going to school a few days before school starts, so it's hard to really plan at this point. I honestly can't decide which option I would prefer.

Why It's Going to Be Okay - I find myself worrying over either option (maybe she will get into the old school! maybe she won't!) - which is kind of ridiculous when I think about it, because either option will be fantastic. If her transfer request is accepted - great! She gets to finish up at her old school in a building with teachers and students she knows well! If the request is denied - great! She will get to know all kinds of new friends, will know twice as many people when she starts middle school next year, and school pick-up and drop-off will be ten times easier. So really, I just need to remember this in the middle of the night. ;)

3. My weight - Oh my goodness, my weight. I think I now weigh close to what I did when I was 40+ weeks pregnant with Daniel. I think I might still have some relics of an eating disorder that is leftover from high school because weight just makes me crazy. I have been on a diet recently and trying to work out more intensely, but I am not losing any weight and am just hungry all of the time now. And as it turns out, being hungrier does not always make me happier - who would have guessed!??

Why It's Going to Be Okay - Because weight is just an arbitrary, meaningless number that is one of a billion different measurements of health and really does not have any value in isolation. I just need to remember that. ;)

2. My Lack of Productivity - This has not been the most productive summer for work, Between moving, a lack of full-time childcare, and a feeling of being scattered when I am at work, I have not accomplished nearly as much as I hoped to at the beginning of the summer. I am worried that I will never have any brilliant ideas for research ever again. I am worried that I will have less patience in the classroom this year. And I am worried that worrying about this is not making anything better. :)

Why It's Going to Be Okay - Because it always has been. Someone once told me that the best prediction of the future is the past. And in the past, even though I have been a neurotic mess at times, work has always worked out in the end. So I just have to keep believing that it will this time, too.

1. That I am Not Enough - Oh gosh, this feels way too personal and deep and icky to document on a blog - but here it is - I am worried that I am not enough. Not a good enough mother, not a good enough wife, not a good enough worker, but instead someone who takes on too much and then does a mediocre job at all of my roles. Not enough.

Why It's Going to Be Okay - Because it is. It just is. I have a full life and I love it and when it comes down to it, I wouldn't want it any other way.

What worries keep you up at night? Or, if you are not a worrier, what is your secret?? :)