10. Alcohol. When our son was 3 years old, he was at the doctor for an ear infection and decided that now would be the best time to ask our super awesome doctor, "What is alcohol???" Several days later, I figured out that he had actually meant to ask about "saliva." Clearly, one can get saliva and alcohol mixed up any day.
9. Pumping Milk. When I was pumping milk in my office at work (and developing a new found empathy for milk cows), my good (child-free) friend walked in on me and witnessed the crazy process that is being a human cow. There were no children present but I am totally counting this moment because really, children are the only people for whom you would put yourself through such torture.
8. Revealing Your Bad Habits. It is a long story, but part of the process of becoming less over-committed as a family is that our son has become a Tiger Cub Drop Out, and we have endorsed this option. Of course, he chose to initially bring this up, loudly, DURING the den meeting while the den mom volunteer was talking to all of the Tiger Cubs - "Dad? Dad? I am bored. Mom said I could quit. Can I quit right now???"
7. Indecent Exposure. In kindergarten, I was informed that our daughter had grabbed another boy's shorts and pulled them down on the slide. I am certain that the after-school worker was convinced this was due to poor parenting on my part. We learned later that the kids were playing a game and she was trying to climb up the slide and had grabbed onto his shorts to pull herself up. One of the many conversations that you never picture yourself having.
6. Public Humiliation. For all of my church friends, let me just say....Sunday.Morning.Choir and leave it at that. You all know what I'm talking about. Sweet baby Jesus, thank heavens we go to an incredibly accepting church where people still love us anyway despite our children's behavior to the contrary at times.
5. Feminine Hygiene. There is nothing like watching your children discover your tampon stash and unwrap them all. And deconstruct all component parts into small pieces. It's even better when guests are around.
4. Major Blow-outs. Major blow-outs in public are embarrassing enough. Not realizing until later that you have failed to clean up all of it and that, oh, part of your clothes are stained, is mortifying.
3. Wardrobe Malfunction. I walked around once for several hours at work with my skirt stuck into the back of my pantyhose. Even worse, I cannot blame this on a child, but I am totally going for "Mommy Brain" as my line of defense.
2. Body Talk. Another thing that we can agree on is that it is best to have your child look at your chest and say, loudly, in a relatively quiet public place, "Mom, when will I have big pumps like you???" At least the strangers might not have known that "pumps" were actually "breasts."
1. Childbirth. Let me just say that anyone who claims you do not do very embarrassing things during natural childbirth is a liar. A big fat liar, liar pants on fire, including seemingly wonderful husbands who evidently lied to you for years. ;)
What embarrassing moments have you lived through?
1 comment:
My daughter pronounced to the entire ladies restroom that I have a "beautiful vagina".
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