"Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere."
-Paulo Coelho
Well that is all very well and good for you, Mr. Coelho, but I want to have all the doors open!
I love having choices and I love options. I remember one time during my sophomore year in college dissolving into tears because I had figured out by studying the university catalog that it would no longer be possible for me to obtain all of the pre-med credentials for medical school if I still wanted to graduate on time. Never mind the fact that I had ruled out becoming a physician after a depressing volunteer experience in 8th grade on the oncology floor of a hospital.....or that I had dropped high school biology because I couldn't draw a cell. No, I still wanted the option of doing that and the fact that that door was closed made me sad.
I was thinking about this at our trip to Worlds of Fun in Kansas City this weekend, when Annika realized that she was taller than 52 inches and could not go in the much-anticipated bounce house. Not only that, but she would was quite bummed that she would never, EVER be able to go in the bounce house again. And I completely understood how it feels to see so many exciting doors that open to you as you grow up and move through life, but yet, realize that doors have closed and you can never.go.back.
And doors also close to us as a parent. I will never be able to carry Annika around in my arms again. I do not even know when the last time I might have done this was, just that I have not been able to do so for a very long time. I will never listen to Daniel cooing over the baby monitor in his crib upon awaking in the morning. Will and I are completely done having children (that door is nailed shut, so to speak) which means that I will never give birth to another baby. Our family is now in full throttle with The Elementary School Years, which are truly glorious and wonderful, but this also means that the Door to the Baby Years is Closed Forever.
And doors also close to us as a parent. I will never be able to carry Annika around in my arms again. I do not even know when the last time I might have done this was, just that I have not been able to do so for a very long time. I will never listen to Daniel cooing over the baby monitor in his crib upon awaking in the morning. Will and I are completely done having children (that door is nailed shut, so to speak) which means that I will never give birth to another baby. Our family is now in full throttle with The Elementary School Years, which are truly glorious and wonderful, but this also means that the Door to the Baby Years is Closed Forever.
Closing a door is hard.
1 comment:
Come visit me and you can carry my baby to get a fix. :-) Honestly though, I understand the sadness. While I love seeing Evie grow and watch her be determined to try to walk (already!!), it makes me sad for the days when she would sleep on my chest for hours each day. Growing up is hard for kids and parents, sometimes.
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